Should I contact her?

[Wishingforbetter2]

My husband walked out a few months ago claiming to be unhappy, but no one else etc etc.
I’ve just had a letter through the door claiming to be a friend of the women he is having an affair with, should I contact her or let him know he’s been found out?

What did the letter say and what does the person gain by sending it?

What would be the point? I can understand the desire to know, but it will only hurt you more and if you unravel he and she will be laughing at you from the sidelines, keep your head up high and move on.

it said she was a good friend of the other women and gave both numbers if I wanted info as apparently she thinks he is single. Told me he was scum, bit concerned how she knows my address though

Very strange. Why didn't she post a letter to the other woman telling her he's married?

Yeah, very good friend 👀

I'm a total cow, so I'd text saying "I'm xxxx's wife. Your friend has sent me your number. I'm not sure why."

Plus it was also sent tracked by Royal Mail from 100 miles away from where we live

Is it definitely an affair though? Could the friend have done some snooping seen he was married and assumed your still together? A few months is enough time to start seeing someone new

After 25 years and with young teenage kids it’s more than likely

Of course you shouldn’t contact her. The person sending this has not got your interests at heart. Leave well alone.

I’d need to know a little more.. message her.

I’d put it in the bin. He’s already left, focus on yourself. It will all come out eventually one way or another. Frustrating as it is that he’s not been honest, picking over the bones won’t make you feel any better. Not sure what this “friend”s motives are for inserting themselves, but I wouldn’t feed the drama they are obviously trying to stir up.

I’m confused, if you separated a few months ago what is the issue?

I guess it would confirm my suspicions that he’s a liar and therefore I can’t believe anything he says.

I’m also confused as to how the ‘friend’ has managed to get my address, they will know I got the letter as it was tracked

You’re divorcing and it doesn’t sound particularly amicable, so the best position to take regardless of anything else is that you can no longer trust him to be looking out for your interests and to be prioritising his own. Follow your solicitor’s advice rather than thinking about whether you can rely on your ex to be fair or truthful.

Whoever this person is you don’t need the additional distraction. For somebody trying to create drama, a response and knowing they’re letter is getting at you is what they’re looking for. Maybe your ex was having an affair, maybe he’s met somebody new in the months since you separated, divorce and financial settlement don’t take any of it into account so there’s nothing to gain from trying to prove he was having an affair.

Don't bother doing anything. You had your suspicions he was seeing someone else. Whether he was before he left or not, it really is no matter and has no effect on the divorce. Concentrate on you and moving forward with the divorce etc, don't waste precious energy on him/them.

But she knows he’s married so why doesn’t she just tell her friend? Leave it alone, I can’t see how this helps anyone. This new woman (if there is one) will find out eventually.

I fully understand this. I know i would want to know if there was more hidden.

Keep the letter. Don’t reply. It could be from OW but whoever sent it deliberately as tracked has given you some evidence if you need to go to court.