Separation and finances - realistic? Trying to line up ducks.

[TheodoreMortlock]

20 year relationship, not married, 1 DC. Jointly own a property. Considering separation. I'm the slightly higher earner (not by much).

Would DP need to buy me out? Am I allowed to put a deposit down on another property if I can find one without incurring "additional" rather than "next" home stamp duty?

My head is absolutely swimming but I have found somewhere that I think I could afford in principle, if I'm not also paying half the mortgage on current home. DP would be able to afford current home although might not want to.

I've factored in mortgage, council tax, gas /electric, water, food, DC's activities, broadband, phone. I'd need home insurance and I'd probably need to find a cheap car so need to factor in those costs.

What else haven't I thought of? I've never been great with finances and I don't want to leap out of an emotionally difficult situation into a financially difficult one.

Your DP needs to buy you out or the house needs to be sold. One of those.

If he’s going to buy you out he’ll need a new mortgage with a higher LTV, and he’ll need to be able to afford it on his own. Unless he’s a high earner or the house is fairly cheap that’s likely to be tough.

To go your own separate ways one of you has to buy the other one out OR you sell and split the proceeds

I think you're rushing this. Until you have a separation agreement with your partner don't think about buying another house.

I think you're right @ClickClickety.

My friend gently pointed out last week that the behaviour I'm dealing with at the moment is emotionally abusive and since she said it I can't unsee it. Looking at houses online all I can see is my own space for me and DC, with nobody sneering at me for wanting xmas decs, or managing to occupy the entire house with a huge sulky mood, or stumping up the stairs with dramatic sighs because DC forgot to put orange peel in the bin. I want to be allowed candlesticks and christmas crackers. So I probably am wanting to rush more than is sensible. I knew it was a good idea to ask the wise women of Mumsnet :)

You've had a real shock with the scales falling from your eyes. Take a little while to let it all sink in and gather strength for what will probably be a battle. You have a bright future ahead, you've done 20 years and can do a little longer whilst the dust settles. Wishing you the best xxx