Hi
I really need some objective perspective pls.
My ex and I are in the process of negotiating terms of our divorce. He has consistently refused overseas travel for our children during my contact time (to see my side of the family who are in Europe). Here is what has happened at the last and next request. I ask consent about two months in advance (October half term and Christmas school holidays). he will say that he'll give me his consent (and passports) "closer to the time", or (his main reason) once we have agreed separation terms, if he is present during travel, if he can see the children more (I've never refused him access) etc. We set out the shared school holiday schedule months ago. At the time he said it (and overseas travel) was conditional of us reaching an agreement in terms of finances and childcare which has meant everything is on hold. For October, I went ahead and incurred travel expenses assuming he would stop trying to control us and see the value in our kids visiting their grandma. But less than 48hours before travel, still no consent and passports. So I abandoned (after weeks of undue anxiety) and lost money. Now for Christmas, since my request in October time, not only is he refusing they travel to see family but he is also changing our pre agreed childcare schedule in his favour. He emails to say he will take the kids to do X during my contact time however he is willing to revert to the original schedule and authorise overseas travel if I agree to a CAO. Bear in mind our intended travel date is 23/12! So now not only can I not take my kids to see their relatives (again) but I also will no longer be with the kids as he says he will be with them during my contact time. I have therefore made a third request for travel over Easter for a family reunion. He is refusing that as well. Whilst I know a CAO has benefits in this situation, I do not agree to setting in stone what he is pushing for. Is he being reasonable by using overseas travel to see relatives as leverage to pressured me to accept terms that may prejudice the kids and I? There is no safeguarding issue nor do I plan to kidnap the kids overseas. The kids and I are binational and all family is overseas. Moreover, he has emailed me in Summer (during my mother's last visit) to say she is not welcome to stay in our home with the children and I (he has moved out, but still paying part of the bills and mortgage). So we can't go to see her and she can't come to stay at home. I feel like a prisoner, throw me a lifeline please !