What is the right age for overnights?

Marielou101 · 2025-12-14T20:28:49+00:00

Bit of background I have a son from a previous relationship, I co parent well with his dad and we have a solid schedule. It did take us 1-1.5 year to transition to overnight this was due to distance and our son really transitioned well for his age. I am now planning to co parent with my most recent ex, however he is adamant on having overnights as soon as baby is born. We live 40-45 minutes apart, financially we will cover baby when the child is with one another so no one is helping one another. I have been advised to breastfeed by consultants due to me being high risk and me tending to birth small/premature babies. However, my ex is saying breastfeeding is causing blockages as he can’t feed the baby. I am open to the possibility of attempting to transition to overnights at 6 months, if I move from exclusive bf to pumping/bottle feeding. However part of me also fears the transition as I feel it is young and he’s a first time dad who’s said he’s stilo adjusting to the shock of being a dad. Keep in mind, we had 3 miscarriages and he is the one who pushed for trying for a baby. I do know however overnights are needed, for both him and baby. My worry is he also doesn’t plan to buy anything for baby and use his sisters things even though her baby will only be 1 so unsure how our baby and his niece will share a car seat, pram, highchair and cot. my ideal plan when baby is 6+ months is 2 weekly visits (that need to fit around his job and football) so probably only from 5-8pm he is complaining about the limited time but has also said he can’t move things around and then fortnightly weekends. His ideal plan is 2 overnights weekly (on weeknight, so he doesn’t have to miss football and his family can care for baby until he’s home) meet me at 6/7am on motorway to handover and overnights fortnightly weekend. My issue that I raised is I couldn’t meet him until 9/9:30am due to my son having school, however he says the newborn should be number 1 priority and my son 2nd as my son is at an age he can adapt to change. what age do you think the transition of overnights should happen especially if he’s only able to see baby limited time but also wants to speed up the bonding time?

Sillysoggyspaniel · 14/12/2025 21:25

When the baby is night weaned, so for me it would be over a year. It's not about what's best for your ex, it's about what is best for your baby. And that is being with mum (and that includes babies who aren't breastfed).

Original poster

Marielou101 · 14/12/2025 21:30

Sillysoggyspaniel · 14/12/2025 21:25

When the baby is night weaned, so for me it would be over a year. It's not about what's best for your ex, it's about what is best for your baby. And that is being with mum (and that includes babies who aren't breastfed).

I have started to think the same, 1 year old or approaching the first birthday overnights. We discussed 6 months, feel bad for going back on my word however I just feel newborn-6 months with limited contact and moving to overnights is a lot

OP posts:

FestiveBauble · 14/12/2025 21:30

100% you will just need to go with the babies needs - say whatever now, however you never now how things will go when the baby is here.

He is ridiculous saying your baby needs to be number 1 and your other son number 2, when he won’t re arrange football or plans to facilitate a schedule for his child 😂 don’t meet up at 6am at a motorway service station, you have another child! He needs to come and collect the child from your home.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 14/12/2025 21:37

I would let him seek legal advice. He sounds like a bully and mediation may be to your advantage..
And claim cms. Not up for negotiation imo.
And give baby your surname. Even if you are married.. No court in the land would give him overnights from birth.

Original poster

Marielou101 · 14/12/2025 23:10

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 14/12/2025 21:37

I would let him seek legal advice. He sounds like a bully and mediation may be to your advantage..
And claim cms. Not up for negotiation imo.
And give baby your surname. Even if you are married.. No court in the land would give him overnights from birth.

The plan is to double barrel the babies name but my name would be the actual last name, I done the same with my son thankfully. My worry is it going down the legal route, as me and my sons dad done that and it just turned so nasty and also with this current ex all his friends work in the court system and he’s got a degree in it, I feel it would just turn to world war 3 which I want to avoid. But I do completely understand we’re you are coming from sometimes when neither of you agree it ultimately has to go down that route

OP posts:

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 14/12/2025 23:16

Overnights can only happen when the baby is night weaned and you’d do well to remind him that courts would agree with that. He definitely needs to come to the house to collect baby, not least because if he has an insufficient car seat you have the option of refusing to let baby travel with him.

Jambags · 15/12/2025 01:29

I would jump the gun and seek some advice on this. Other commenters are absolutely right, with the best plan in the world the babies needs are paramount and may not fit nicely into his schedule.
If he has this toolbox of legal support informally - tool up yourself before you ever need it, having that reassurance that he can't bully you into poor co parenting arrangements will give you more confidence to stand up for yours and babies best interests (even if it all calms down). Best of luck and congratulations on your baby.

JustMe2026 · 15/12/2025 01:35

Incorrect a baby does not have to be night weaned at all and is allowed to stay with either parent should the courts decide to do so, not putting a baby on a bottle so the other parent can not take there child overnight can also be seen as an excuse to stop access. So in the UK should he decide to go for 50/50 the probability is high as baby can be put on a bottle or breastmilk stored. I worked in family law before leaving to have my own family and you would be surprised how few mothers thought it was ok to withold proper contact for a year or more

zebrazoop · 15/12/2025 03:09

I would make sure you breastfeed to give you and baby a bit of protection from being seperated.

Original poster

Marielou101 · 19/12/2025 19:12

JustMe2026 · 15/12/2025 01:35

Incorrect a baby does not have to be night weaned at all and is allowed to stay with either parent should the courts decide to do so, not putting a baby on a bottle so the other parent can not take there child overnight can also be seen as an excuse to stop access. So in the UK should he decide to go for 50/50 the probability is high as baby can be put on a bottle or breastmilk stored. I worked in family law before leaving to have my own family and you would be surprised how few mothers thought it was ok to withold proper contact for a year or more

Sorry but who said anything about purposely breastfeeding to withhold contact? I was advised by a consultant to attempt breastfeeding and me/my ex agreed when we tried for a baby for me to breastfeed? If my ex asked for 50/50 I would be more than happy for this to be a thing however he is not seeking 50/50 due to him studying, working and having a football career. I am so baffled by your response as nowhere on my post did I say anything about me not wanting 50/50 as I mentioned I co parent already and me and that co parent have 50/50

OP posts:

YaWeeFurryBastard · 19/12/2025 19:37

JustMe2026 · 15/12/2025 01:35

Incorrect a baby does not have to be night weaned at all and is allowed to stay with either parent should the courts decide to do so, not putting a baby on a bottle so the other parent can not take there child overnight can also be seen as an excuse to stop access. So in the UK should he decide to go for 50/50 the probability is high as baby can be put on a bottle or breastmilk stored. I worked in family law before leaving to have my own family and you would be surprised how few mothers thought it was ok to withold proper contact for a year or more

Absolute bullcrap, it’s a recognised fact that breastfeeding is best for babies, no court in the land is going to order that a baby is “put on a bottle” to facilitate what the father wants. Ludicrous suggestion. The father can have “proper contact” as you put it in the day, at age appropriate lengths of time. Only a real cunt would want to separate a breastfed (or really any) baby from its mother overnight.

calminggreen · 19/12/2025 20:04

@YaWeeFurryBastard

there is such thing as expressing/pumping breast milk and for the OP to send that with the baby

how far along in pregnancy are you OP? No way could I have been away from my newborns overnight - given how hard you tried to conceive and it was him pushing for the baby sounds like he used you to become a father?

YaWeeFurryBastard · 19/12/2025 20:16

calminggreen · 19/12/2025 20:04

@YaWeeFurryBastard

there is such thing as expressing/pumping breast milk and for the OP to send that with the baby

how far along in pregnancy are you OP? No way could I have been away from my newborns overnight - given how hard you tried to conceive and it was him pushing for the baby sounds like he used you to become a father?

Er yes, I’m aware having breastfed my own. Not all breastfed babies will take a bottle and breastfeeding is also about comfort. What sort of arsehole wants to remove a baby from its source of food and comfort overnight. A court will not award overnight contact for a baby under 1, probably more like 18 months -2.

Original poster

Marielou101 · 19/12/2025 20:23

YaWeeFurryBastard · 19/12/2025 19:37

Absolute bullcrap, it’s a recognised fact that breastfeeding is best for babies, no court in the land is going to order that a baby is “put on a bottle” to facilitate what the father wants. Ludicrous suggestion. The father can have “proper contact” as you put it in the day, at age appropriate lengths of time. Only a real cunt would want to separate a breastfed (or really any) baby from its mother overnight.

Show quote history

Thank you. I think the previous commenter is unaware I’ve attended family court before and although I was not breastfeeding at the time I was advised of particular information of what courts take in to consideration when it comes to children’s best interest and contact wise. However, as I mentioned I’ve never said no to 50/50, overnights or contact in general however I know it needs to be gradual and built upon.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/12/2025 20:26

He sounds very young and not ready to be a dad
no point him having contact if he out out watching /playing football and his family have the baby instead

not buying car seats /buggies

all major red flags

Original poster

Marielou101 · 19/12/2025 20:26

calminggreen · 19/12/2025 20:04

@YaWeeFurryBastard

there is such thing as expressing/pumping breast milk and for the OP to send that with the baby

how far along in pregnancy are you OP? No way could I have been away from my newborns overnight - given how hard you tried to conceive and it was him pushing for the baby sounds like he used you to become a father?

I am almost 7 months into the pregnancy now and I’m beginning to realise that, I will admit it takes two to tango. However at the point I fell pregnant I was pushing contraception to be used, it was being used and complained about what a nuisance it was.

OP posts:

Delphiniumandlupins · 19/12/2025 20:34

You sound like you are taking a reasonable and measured approach. What are the chances he is still so keen to be co-parenting in 8 months time?

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 02/01/2026 18:06

I think around 2. If not later.

Original poster

Marielou101 · 02/01/2026 19:52

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 02/01/2026 18:06

I think around 2. If not later.

Really? I hope you don’t mind me asking, what would you do if the other parent was super pushy for overnights as soon as they were born? Me and my ex started overnights with our son when he turned 2 and it worked out great as contact was slowly built and our son did not struggle as much initially from day visits to an overnight so I do see your view point

OP posts: