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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Is now the time…

10 replies

Lorelai123 · 11/12/2025 12:47

I have posted on here many many times about wanting a separation and all the barriers in the way. One of them was having nowhere to go with my kids. There is a house available for us from mid January, it’s renovated, close to my job and schools and I personally know the landlords.. it’s a lot smaller than our current house but it’s perfect! Our base is there and everything else can just fall into place so why am I so hesitant to make the step?? To say the words to my partner? To just take whatever explosive reaction I get knowing our fresh start is right there??? If I miss this chance then I really am stuck so why can’t I just go for it 😭

OP posts:
nightmarepickle2025 · 11/12/2025 12:48

Yes, it is the time. Just do it.

notatinydancer · 11/12/2025 12:54

Yes , please tell the landlord you would like the house. If you don’t want to rock the boat, tell your partner after Christmas. Good luck.

lechatnoir · 11/12/2025 12:57

Agree with @notatinydancersay yes to the landlord and save the drama with OH and tell him in the new year just before you go. Or if there’s likely to be any sort of explosive reaction I’d be telling him once I’d gone.

AutumnFroglets · 11/12/2025 12:59

Take it.

Inform partner after you have moved if you are concerned about their reaction, preferably with a witness.

There is never a right time, but some times are better than most. This is your best time so far. Believe you can do it, dream you can do it, imagine you can do it, but most importantly, visualise yourself doing it Flowers

Nocookiesforme · 11/12/2025 13:03

It's that little voice at the back of your mind that says things like "It's not that bad is it?", "It's not bad all of the time", "Will the kids hate me for breaking up their home?", "Am I making the biggest mistake ever?" etc
The answer to those questions is "If things were/are that good I wouldn't be doing this".
It is as bad as you think it is so ignore the doubts and do it. If your stbex was a good person then you wouldn't be doing it would you? If you thought that the stbex wasn't damaging your children or you then you wouldn't be doing this would you? If you thought that you were completely safe then you wouldn't be doing it this way would you? The answers are all there for you so do it and sign on the dotted line for you and your DC @Lorelai123
Good luck xx

KnowledgeableAvocado · 11/12/2025 13:06

lechatnoir · 11/12/2025 12:57

Agree with @notatinydancersay yes to the landlord and save the drama with OH and tell him in the new year just before you go. Or if there’s likely to be any sort of explosive reaction I’d be telling him once I’d gone.

Agree with you both 100%

I think you know it is time but you're scared. I would be too, change is always a scary thing no matter how much you need it.

MyNewNewlife · 11/12/2025 14:14

The thought of it is scary.. once you have done it, you realise it was not as scary as you thought it would be. You. might be a bit shaky at first but soon after, you reflect and realise you are a frickin super woman! Imaginary cape and everything. Freedom from misery is priceless!

Say yes to the house... go on... call... now!

Original poster
Lorelai123 · 13/12/2025 07:17

Nocookiesforme · 11/12/2025 13:03

It's that little voice at the back of your mind that says things like "It's not that bad is it?", "It's not bad all of the time", "Will the kids hate me for breaking up their home?", "Am I making the biggest mistake ever?" etc
The answer to those questions is "If things were/are that good I wouldn't be doing this".
It is as bad as you think it is so ignore the doubts and do it. If your stbex was a good person then you wouldn't be doing it would you? If you thought that the stbex wasn't damaging your children or you then you wouldn't be doing this would you? If you thought that you were completely safe then you wouldn't be doing it this way would you? The answers are all there for you so do it and sign on the dotted line for you and your DC @Lorelai123
Good luck xx

It’s exactly this! You’ve hit the nail right on the head!! For years I’ve thought this way and I usually just push it to the back of my mind because when things are relatively calm I always think “I can just plod along” but then something happens or some sort of drama escalates and I’m right back to wanting to run away. Since posting this I’d usually by now have done the same thing but I can’t stop thinking about the opportunity that is there! I’m already thinking of all the ways I could make that tiny house a home for us (I haven’t actually seen inside yet) but I know I would make it cosy and happy I just need to be brave and take the step. I know once I tell him I want to break up he will react badly and I know I’m in for a fight when it comes to the kids and that’s what holds me back.. I’m too mentally fragile for it plus I’m a good person with empathy so it goes without saying that I do actually care about his feelings and also the feelings of his family who I love to absolute pieces! But I need out, I’m in my mid 30’s we’ve been together since we were 23 and I’m just done trying now. There’s no relationship there now and I think he will eventually realise it too.

OP posts:
Lennonjingles · 13/12/2025 07:23

I hope you get responses from people who have been in your situation, they all say they wish they’d left sooner. I am really rooting for you to take a step forward and leave. If you are frightened of telling him, just leave whilst he is out. Can you tell your family your plans so you’ve got help.

Beachlovingirl · 13/12/2025 08:30

after you separate there are hard days and there are easy joyful days. The hard ones can really trip you up though and you must keep going through these hard days. Be prepared to see less of your kids, me prepared to spend money on legal needs, be prepared for a new sense of freedom, be prepared for your exs family to hate you. Be prepared to be finally ok without any man in your life. Be prepared to be so glad you did it mixed in with days when you wish you could take it all back.

eventually you don’t have the days when you wish you could take it all back but I still look back with nostalgia even though it’s not real because the things I miss never even happened! Cosy family adventures, meals and occasions, weekends full of exciting plans! We never did any of these things but yet my mind plants them in as things I’m going to miss..?e

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