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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

2nd Christmas post-separation… and it’s the best feeling ever

10 replies

DeckAllTheFlippinHalls · 09/12/2025 09:35

There’s no real point to this thread except to give a little glimmer of hope to anyone who is where I’ve been.

Last Christmas was the first one as a ‘broken family’. My daughter splitting her time 50/50, all very amicable with her dad, but it was a very unsettling time.
The whole Christmas period was really shit… I hated every minute, but knew I just had to get over it.

Fast forward a year.
My house is decorated exactly how I want, and my daughter & I have made our own little new traditions, we’re doing things our way… silly, little things, but I love it all the same.

At the weekend I sat on the sofa, her next to me, we had Xmas films on, the decs looked ace, and I had a little secret cry at how content I felt.

Christmas was always a contentious period. My ex had a lot of anger & control issues, and I would get into trouble for buying any new decorations, or for having anything more than a tree. One very infamous time was when I bought a tree shaped bowl for the Christmas chocolates (sounds hideous actually if trust me, it was naice!). He smashed it and said I was way OTT. In a lovely bit of (karma?), this year he was looking at all my decorations and said how lovely everything was, and his house just didn’t have the same feel… and that he didn’t have anything he could put the Quality Street in, so he’d left them in the tub 😂

We actually have a great relationship now, so I don’t rise or comment on any little wins like that, I just smile to myself and let it go.

Anyway… that’s my ramble.
If this year is tough for you, sit it out, get through it any way you can, and here’s hoping the next year brings you contentment.

OP posts:
IsThisLifeNow · 09/12/2025 13:30

Thank you, I needed to hear that from someone, its been a truly shit year and I've been dreading Christmas tbh, which is very unusual for me as I normally love it. I'm glad you and your daughter are getting on great!

Also, do you think your ex has remembers about the Christmas tree shaped bowl? or is he generally clueless about remembering his past aggressions?

SewingBees · 09/12/2025 13:43

This is my second Christmas post separation, but last year I had only been back in my home for a few weeks when Christmas landed so it was a time of great upheaval.

I'm loving this year but my daughter is struggling with the reality that Christmas from now on will always be split between her parents.

DeckAllTheFlippinHalls · 09/12/2025 13:49

IsThisLifeNow · 09/12/2025 13:30

Thank you, I needed to hear that from someone, its been a truly shit year and I've been dreading Christmas tbh, which is very unusual for me as I normally love it. I'm glad you and your daughter are getting on great!

Also, do you think your ex has remembers about the Christmas tree shaped bowl? or is he generally clueless about remembering his past aggressions?

Probably clueless about the specifics, but there’s definitely an element now of understanding everything I did to make it special. Not only the fun bits, but also managing the endless school/clubs activities, teacher gifts etc… he’s learning now just how much time it all takes.

OP posts:
DeckAllTheFlippinHalls · 09/12/2025 13:51

SewingBees · 09/12/2025 13:43

This is my second Christmas post separation, but last year I had only been back in my home for a few weeks when Christmas landed so it was a time of great upheaval.

I'm loving this year but my daughter is struggling with the reality that Christmas from now on will always be split between her parents.

That’s really tough for your daughter. How old is she?

We are making sure to still do lots of things together - opening presents on Christmas Day, going to see Santa etc. But, obviously I know that isn’t always an option.

OP posts:
ikeepforgetting · 09/12/2025 14:00

My second too, last year I was full of energy to make it special for 2 teen DCs but it all felt a bit flat. Very acrimonious divorce still going on and he did horrible things so I don't miss him in the slightest, but god he made a great Christmas dinner! I might never get over that!

This year I am struggling to find that spark though, tired and worried about money. Hopefully it will kick in soon, I think the kids feeling sadder this year too.

BookArt55 · 11/12/2025 22:37

My 2nd too! Last year we had court 7 days before Christmas so didn't know the plan for the kids and it was all rushed, horrible and I was on edge despite having the kids. This year I don't have the kids for Christmas day, but we are having our Christmas earlier, I've decorated recently, the decorations are what we want. There's no eggshells, no conflict, just relaxed and enjoyable.

Definitely a massive step in the right direction. Lovely to hear your good news!

Beekman · 11/12/2025 22:40

This is a lovely post which will give hope to loads of people. Merry Christmas, OP

icantgetnosheep1 · 11/12/2025 22:53

Aww sounds amazing Op! It’s such a good feeling ain’t it. This will be my third year as a single parent and my heart is full. The tree is up in our forever home and this year I’m breaking the mould.. for the past two years I’ve been amicably spending the day co-parenting (not easy) this year we are off to the canaries for 10 nights and it’s just us three. Boys are on-board and I’m delighted. He’s got no tree up, nothing planned and it’s what he deserves quite frankly. Had you told me this would be my life I’d never have thought it! We have a villa and private pool, booked the water park for Christmas Day and I can’t wait. My take on Christmas isn’t to everyone’s liking-you didn’t choose your kids when you were doing what you did so you don’t get to choose now.. non negotiable. My boys are old enough to choose - the three musketeers are off to the sunshine!

Myfridgeiscool · 11/12/2025 23:00

@icantgetnosheep1 have an amazing time!

post divorce is awesome. My DD doesn’t see her dad anymore (for very good reason) We now get all the Christmases together, this year is the first one that’s not had to be shared, it’s going to be great this year.

CuppaTea23 · 13/12/2025 09:06

Also on second Christmas, the first that we haven't shared, and I'm really looking forward to it! There was a sad moment decorating the tree, I still have a bit of longing for him to have been able to appreciate the good things about our life and making Christmas magical, but I love the lack of eggshells, everything is more peaceful!!

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