I have been here a few times over the years. Back story: met when we were 15 and 17, been together 22 years, married 8. Now separated, my decision after asking for it for 4 or more years. Nail in the coffin was we separated but still lived together early March, and then April I was spotted at shop in work hours with colleague, so came clean that we had been on few dates since our separation. So shit hit the fan so to speak. I've been painted as the bad guy which I will take accountability for. However, his actions during those years are what ultimately led to me checking out years ago. Lost our house due to gambling debt over 90k during course of 5 or more years, constant drinking and staying out all weekend, drugs, no respect, constant name calling and minor abuse whilst in drug rages.
Since May apart from the one time he let our son down, we have co parented fine as he said we could remain friends an amicable providing I don't have relationship with the other guy. I agreed and thought best to have time to myself anyway. He has son (11) once a week, usually Friday and occasional Sat unless he goes out. Daughter (9) twice in the week but only over night from 7pm until 6am following morning. I take no child support even though he's on 3 x more than me, and ask for no support in other areas. This weekend he let our son down again, I could tell her was drunk from the phone call and he left him waiting with his bag packed for 2 hours, promising 5 mins, 10 mins I will be there. I had it, so I messaged and said you are not taking him if you have been drinking. Well, within 30 mins he stormed around driving car might I add and drunk! shouting and trying to force me to agree to taking him, calling me slut, slag, bitch, all infront of our daughter, son stayed upstairs. I point blank refused him to be taking our son whilst in that state and he wouldn't want to go anyway as hates his dad drunk. He would not leave so I said I would be calling police because by this point he got nasty, telling her to ask me why he can't live there anymore, and ask about my boyfriend as her mom's a slut. My daughter was crying and screaming, and hugging him, so I looked bad by this point because she was so scared. He pushed her into me, so I pushed back at him to get him out the door, and he then grabbed me and threw me across the floor. Hurting my leg and arm in the process and he left. My daughter was so shaken up and scared of him returning. My son came down, and was now angry and hurt by it all, and I think now hates his dad. I allowed her to call him later as she was concerned so she was happy to know he was home, and I over heard him say that he just wants to be here with us but he's not allowed to. The next day comes and he messages to say sorry, and that he has met someone knew and been seeing her a few months and met one of her kids so soon he wants the kids to all meet, and if I am seeing xxx that I should come clean now and also introduce the kids and do it all at same time to ease the blow!
I was blindsided!
For one, I will not be dictated to when and how I introduce my kids, and I would never do it after a few months, my stance on that is a year! and in my case, I have known my colleague as a friend for 7 years, not 3 months. and due to work and my youngest coming to work when ill a few years back, she already knows him anyway. However, when I am in a relationship, it will not be rushed.
He didn't show up for football training, he is main coach and we have not heard from him. He usually messages the kids good morning and night but nothing!
What would you do from hereon? I am not sure I believe the whole 'I have a gf' it seems sus to me and maybe trying to get a confession out of me that I am seeing someone. He is quite a game player.
Any advise on how to also mend the bridge between him and my son? I would hate for them both to miss out on a relationship. I do ultimately feel guilty as I didn't want to be with anymore, but always thought he would step up and be the best dad.
Also, our daughter witnessing what she did, she hasn't said anymore but do think she sees now why we aren't together. Should I take her to see therapist? I have spoken before about her seeing someone and she refused.