Custody disagreement- I need to work

[Salop27]

10 yo child moved in with me in Sept due to school issues living at his mums.
Ive barely worked since but have got him back into school on a flexible 3 day week.
I've retrained and have a job to start in January, which I’m excited about. It’s only three days a week but two clash with the days my child isn’t in school.
The job is working these set days, no flexibility. My ex is refusing to consider adjusting custody to nearer 50/50 split to allow me to work. I feel she is being unfair.
I rely on universal credit just to survive and I’m just losing the will to do anything.
Has anyone else any similar experience or advice?
I’d think mediation next?
Suspect she’d argue it’s in our child’s best interest not to swap between houses that often and my financial and mental well being are irrelevant.

If it a flexible 3 day week at school, can you arrange the days he goes to school around your work?

Does he need to be monitored by you when he isn't in school? Could you get some form of childcare for this time?

What school issues were caused by him living with mum?

Why did you apply and accept the job that couldn't fit around your childcare needs?

How much time does your child currently spend with their mum?

Is there any possibility that you could change the days your DC is at school?

Can you get a nanny/ baby sitter to cover hours you are not at home?

Well lots of single mums also get the same run around from their kids fathers - is this post a reverse? Sounds like it could be TBH. You and force the other parent to have more custody time - mediation would be pointless. If she is refusing the you’d have to find a job which is flexible around your child schooling

If it a flexible 3 day week at school, can you arrange the days he goes to school around your work

Yes, that seems to me to be the solution.

You can't force the other parent to have more contact than they want.

Can you change the school days?

They both could be single mums

Lots of replies thank you.
so Flexi time is set Mon to Weds.
The condition of accepting the job is I work Wed to Fri.
i live in rural Shropshire, jobs are harder to come by here and this is the first one in three months in the area I’ve retrained in.
My child has some learning difficulties and anxiety issues. He hates leaving the house and getting a babysitter for two days a week would not be good for him or affordable.
Ideally he’d be in school full time and me working full time but after being missing from school since March this year I’d be over joyed if he did three days a week.
He spends two and a bit weekends a month at his mums and since September has hardly contributed financially.

Sorry but why can’t he go to school?

I’m sorry this sounds shit for you - but also as PP say this is the position many mums find themselves in.

I think your best bets would be to work on changing his school days to Weds to Fri and also pursuing maintenance payments from his mum.

I don’t think you can send a child 50/50 to a parent who doesn’t want to have them - especially a child who’s struggling already, it would probably mess up the progress that’s been made with school attendance.

Yep I found this - took redundancy and found a job l really liked working in a school doing exams at the same time as DS had school refusal and anxiety.

it didn’t work, it just didn’t I had to stop. The whole trying to make it work alongside him going to school made everything so much worse. The stress levels involved were just too much for both of us and truthfully I think his journey to recovery took a huge step back because of it.

I ended up not working for 6 months before starting freelance work at home

and I had DH and it still had to be me. He needed me.

he is better now actually still not great but is pretty much at full time school 3 years later.

Have you considered applying for DLA for your DS? Also, you need to speak to the SENCO at his school - the LA have a duty to provide a full time education in one shape or another. It could be that he can have a placement at a PRU on 2 days and attend school the remaining 3.

If she’s an only seeing him a couple of weekends a month and doesn’t want any more days then there’s nothing you can do to force her. I’d focus on trying to change his school days or meeting with the school to see if it’s a suitable time to increase his days.

He never got properly assessed at his old school as he never went back really.
He’s getting up to speed in his new school but won’t be officially enrolled till the new year so no Senco till then.
I’ve jumped ahead and made an application to the council for an EHCP assessment. Probably won’t come to anything but after any help I can get.

@Salop27 have you joined the not fine in school Facebook group speaking to people who understand I really found helpful and that I didn’t feel so alone

I can understand why she is unwilling to accept a compromise.
My son is hard work.
I'd just like an equal chance to work and split the care.

Can you change the days he does at school to match your working pattern

Have you asked the school to change his days?

It's shit but if she's not willing to be an involved parent you cannot force it.

I'm in a very similar boat, two SEN kids, one currently only in school part time, with very little input from the other parent (meeting kids needs for any significant time is too stressful for him, but somehow it's fine to expect me to it alone 24/7).

It took so much paperwork, but I now have EHCP's in place for both kids and one of them also receves DLA, the other probably would qualify as well, but I just don't have time to do the form. The DLA means that I get the carers element of universal credit and the disabled element for DC, which makes it just possible for me to remain off work. Honestly I don't think I could manage work on top to the kids care needs, and unfortunately it might not viable for you either right now.

Thank you for sharing that.

Have you applied for cms ?
on uc you can also get 85% of childcare funded I believe too

Has anyone else any similar experience

Asked unironically on a predominantly female board.