What to do abut in-laws for Christmas?

[sladtheinkaler]

Husband left in November. Am wondering what to do about in-laws for Christmas. Usually we would send a nice gift to each of his parents, siblings, nephews etc from both of us and the kids. I assume he will still send something from him and the kids. I can't send nothing from me - especially as I think they will probably send me a Christmas present (they all remembered my birthday since he left and sent flowers, cards, wine etc).

I will send cards from me and the kids. I will send a little something to the kids in the family too, I think? And I guess maybe send food or a bottle or something from me? A token from me to each family unit? I can't work out what's best. It would feel too weird to do nothing. They have been my family for 30 years, and a few weeks ago my husband just sort of severed everythign and wandered off to begin a new and different life without me and the kids.

Gosh this is all so weird.

That really is tricky. I would really examine your personal - as in separate from your ex - feelings and relationship with each person. The kids - definitely a gift. The adults - maybe grandparents of your DC nothing changes. Siblings in law….have they generally been supportive? Would a card with thanks and a nice bottle of something work? You don’t want to start off lavishly in case things tail off, which I expect they will. You don’t want to ignore them. You want to respect the relationship you have with them. Tricky!

Yeah, it is tricky. And it's all so new that how I feel now is not necessarily how I'll feel in a couple of weeks. I think maybe a bottle or something foody per adult couple shows I'm thinking of them without going over the top.

Maybe yes a normal gift then a card thanking them for continuing to stay in touch and letting them know they were your family, as I would want to know that because it’s lovely. I agree, it’s a tough one after they’re your family then he cuts the cord

Personally, I’d be keeping my relationship with my gorgeous in-laws even if my husband cleared off so yes, send something.x

Respect and cherish the existing relationship. Assume their goodwill. You can rethink next Christmas of things change

Yes. I’d send a little something and card (with a festive message, along with appreciation for them).

I had exactly the same thing. ex husband randomly walked out one night (for another woman it turns out), but I was always so close with his family. Still exchanged Xmas cards for many years, but he has now cut off his parents completely because the mistress doesn’t like he had a past that she caused! Am now very close again to my ex in laws, and will be spending Xmas with them in an odd turn of events!

Wishing you a lot of strength. The first xmas without him will feel odd. But if he’s done this to you, you’re so much better off without him. Stay strong and try and enjoy yourself as much as possible. This is your chance for a new life; which could be the best ever. It was the best thing that could have happened to me in the end, even if it felt like the worst at the time.

Do what your gut says. I'd certainly be sending gifts and cards in these circumstances this year.

I wouldn’t. My former in laws were family for two decades until ex husband abandoned us. They said all the right things for the first month or so then not heard from them since. Blood will always be thicker than water. It’s your former husbands job now to give gifts to his family

I agree with @calminggreen blood is thicker than water however the circumstances of the split would make a difference. If you instigated the split then I would send them a card and nothing else. They will likely not have pleasant feelings towards you.
if your husband did then I would go for a card and something small. No doubt by next Christmas your ex husband might have a new women on the scene and you might be out of their thoughts completely.