Just need to talk to someone

[thislittleworldofmine]

I have had a lot of grief lately. I have been really looking into my part in the break down of my 31 year marriage. I have felt so much shame and guilt about my reactions to everything. I had been doing lots of work on myself and forgiving myself for being really emotionally overwhelmed and essentially realizing that while I didn't intend to, I manipulated him with my emotions. I have really struggled to see that his reactions were a bit off too. I really thought he was justified because of how hurt he was. Needless to say I moved out in July and his new girlfriend was on the scene a week later (there is a backstory to this). I saw the lady I used to clean for and it seems he is very openly bragging about their varied and active sex life to her including in front of my son. My son is 21 but I am feeling a bit shaken that he would consider this to be okay.

I am sorry, that sounds absolutely awful. I am glad you have forgiven yourself for any mistakes, it isn't worth hanging on to it.
It is horrible seeing your ex move on with someone else and he is diminishing himself by his blatant disregard for your son's feelings. You do not need to say or do anything for others to realise why the marriage is over. Some men become cruellest as they age, you may well have protected yourself by ending the marriage.
He is someone else now. Protect yourself and nurture your son x

Well, the good news is that your son is old enough to see his dad for the tool he is (I mean, why would he want to hear about his dad’s love life, right?).

As for you, keep yourself busy and work on building your self esteem. You’ll be pointing your finger at your ex and laughing in no short time at all. I promise.

I am not sure how to bring it up with my son but it saddens me that his role model is showing him this disrespect for women and boundarylessness around his sex life.
I have had such grief over it ending, it feels like he is like a small child waving his new toy saying look what I got, look what I got. It really hurts! I feel like I will never be able to learn the skills for a healthy relationship and coming to terms with him moving on coupled with finding out that I will most likely never have another partner is challenging. Just having a bit of a pity party about it.

Just be careful there will be a lot of she says he says and the truth in the middle. One thing for certain your son is an adult and doesn't need you to talk to him he can make his own judgement if its true anyhow. Just be a good mum and carry on

JustMe wise words but very fitting wuth his behaviiur of late if true.

I agree with the advice to stay out of it. You didn’t witness what was said or how it was said. So you are potentially acting on gossip which may be sensationalised. It’s an odd thing for something to repeat to you and I would side eye someone peddling this type of gossip. Sounds like shit stirring to me.

Even if true your son might take the view that this is between him and his father. He might consider your interference to be an attempt to put him in the middle of your split.

Thank you. I won't raise it with my son. I guess it just stirred stuff up in me about everything that has happened.