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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Anyone else struggling with Christmas

12 replies

lostandconfused9 · 01/12/2025 13:16

I normally have fun family christmases full of food, games and love. In June Dh said he wanted a divorce and we have been living together trying to sell the house ever since. Both adult dc going to their partners family for Christmas break which is a good thing and I will meet up with them sometime between Christmas and new year. I do have invitations for Christmas Day and Boxing Day and am very grateful but just feel incredibly sad and want it all to be over. It’s such a family focused time I’m sure lots of people struggle if going through separation or divorce.

OP posts:
JoClogs · 01/12/2025 13:21

Xmas is a tough time for anyone going through what you are.
You're grieving the end of an era - pamper yourself in the run-up to Xmas as you will need it. The New Year will bring a fresh start with new opportunities.

Mumto21234 · 01/12/2025 13:44

Yeah I can't wait for Christmas to be over this year, but also going to try and make it a fun time for my toddler and have nice memories. Ready for it to be 2nd January and get back to normality re decorations being down and hopefully feeling like a fresh start, and some hope for the future!

Howtogetthrough · 01/12/2025 17:41

Yes OP Christmas is a very tough time for a lot of people: those going through separation and divorce, those who are socially isolated and excluded, those in financially difficult circumstances etc etc. The list is endless.
I just would love it if all the falseness at Christmas could be replaced by a bit more kindness during the whole year.

Roll on January.

onepombear · 01/12/2025 17:49

Yes. I wept at the prospect of it all today. Separated a few weeks ago but still in the same house. Trying to be amicable after a dreadful year. I feel emotionally battered.
My parents are both dead so Xmas has just been my husband and our two children for the last few years Now it feels like it will be nothing at all. I am so, so unhappy.

StruggleFlourish · 01/12/2025 18:01

Holidays, Christmas in particular, can be an exceptionally painfully lonely time for so many people and it's kept quiet so often. I think you will find from your discussion that many people are unhappy and not really looking forward to Christmas.

It's particularly hard because, all the songs are playing "It's the most wonderful time of the year"... The shops have all their bright colors and decorations, small talk always comes back to "have you got everything for Christmas are you ready for the holidays, have a great Christmas".... And you're like, no. It ain't going to be great. I'm not looking forward to it.

Not a lot of people will talk about it, but there are tons of people out there who have just lost a loved one and are facing their first Christmas without them and it is absolutely earth-shatteringly heartbreaking for them.
And then there's the smaller but still terrible losses of divorce / separation/breakup or a loved one being away for the first time during the holidays and can't make it home for whatever reason,
Or some other major stressor like just having found out you've got a terminal illness, or finding out you're going to lose your job, or finding out you're about to lose your house, and there's so many people who are in this situation but most of them keep quiet about it, and as a result all your hearing is "It's the most wonderful time of the year"....

And you feel so alone. And it's really really hard. And I'm wondering if this discussion, other people will let you know that they're also going through some tough times and, even though you feel alone, your situation is not unique, you're not alone, and there's a lot of people feeling as you are, so don't feel like the whole world's out there celebrating and you're not. When you're out there in public, I guarantee you at least 25% of the people are smiling fake smiles, they're not really happy about the holiday season approaching.

InMyOodie · 01/12/2025 18:02

Yes, I've been separated for a few months having been married for over 20 years. I'm not jumping with joy at the thought of Christmas, nor are my teenage children which makes me really sad for them.

The day will be okay, we'll make the best of it but I'm be relieved when it's over. At least I have them with me.

Peanutssuck · 01/12/2025 18:27

Howtogetthrough · 01/12/2025 17:41

Yes OP Christmas is a very tough time for a lot of people: those going through separation and divorce, those who are socially isolated and excluded, those in financially difficult circumstances etc etc. The list is endless.
I just would love it if all the falseness at Christmas could be replaced by a bit more kindness during the whole year.

Roll on January.

Couldn't agree more with this last paragraph.

I struggle every year, due to a lot of major losses in my life, but this year is really hitting me hard. I can't wait for it to be over. Hugs to all who have posted and especially @onepombear

onepombear · 01/12/2025 20:42

Thank-you @Peanutssuckand hugs to you too and everyone. I hope we can all find a way through this difficult period and find a little joy somewhere every day xx

CherryPieface · 01/12/2025 20:55

This is my third Christmas alone after a very long marriage, and for some reason I am struggling this year despite the time that has passed. It’s going to be a long month I think. Hugs x

Lennoxx · 01/12/2025 21:37

Recently separated too and not looking forward to Christmas this year. On the day itself I’m hoping to have ex over my house and we can all watch the children open their presents then ex will take our oldest to his mothers and I’ll take my youngest to my parents house. It definitely feels very shit this year especially the siblings not having the whole day together. I’m just hoping my ex won’t be running off to his mothers after only a very short time on Christmas morning.

It feels so sad and shitty this year but I’m trying to focus on -

Not viewing Christmas as just one day and enjoying the lead up such as taking the kids to panto, Christmas parties, a little Christmas weekend away, going on walks to see Christmas lights and I’m making my new place as cosy as possible. The day itself will be shit but im hoping to make the best of a bad situation. I am dreading the moment when my ex drives away with my oldest and we are all split up on Christmas Day 😔

VividWriter · 03/12/2025 12:53

Yeah, this is my first Christmas separated and it's pretty tough. I've always loved it, just from a quality time with family perspective and this year it just seems a little pointless. Trying to keep it going for the kids, but I know they're feeling it a little too :(

Work have given us a extra day off on Xmas eve, I've actually just asked if I can work instead 🤣

Only got the kids for an hour on Christmas morning which isn't helping, but shooting off on holiday for a week not long after, so that's keeping me going!

Plenty of offers for Christmas day, but I think I'm going to order up a small stack of records, open them myself on Christmas day, and just chill crying into a bottle of wine! 🤣

Absolutely feel for everyone in a similar position though. Keep strong y'all. x

Mumto21234 · 03/12/2025 13:24

It will be this time next month before we know it!

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