Divorce and children

[Ladybirdlili]

So my ex husband after a year of separation has decided that he wants to have our 6 year old daughter more as he is more settled.
She already goes every Thurs and every other weekend ..he pays minimal maintenance (agreed when he left) which ive just found out his wage is £8k more than what he said - we worked out the maintenance when he left. Everything was amicable until recently when I asked to see his pension cetv figures before agreeing to what finances to splint.

Realistically I've said our daughter is ina routine and if he wanted to try out another day I can look into but this isn't enough and he's sending me awful messages saying I'm blocking him from seeing her.

Realistically what would the courts suggest? Sorry I'm at a loss as shes in a routine now and surely he can't pick and chose when it suits him?
He sometimes doesn't call for weeks if he doesn't see her either. I just wants best for little one

What’s best is for your child to have a relationship with both parents. Why would you not consider 50/50? That’s where a court is likely to start from. Be grateful your child has a dad that wants to be involved in their life and upbringing.

How many nights does he have EoW - Friday after school to Monday drop off, if not start with that.

This. 100%

he has every right to see her more than he does.

OP said he often doesn’t bother and doesn’t call for weeks. That is very disruptive for a child. This isn’t a committed parent wanting to see their child more on a consistent basis that the child can rely on, rather someone flakey who has chosen not to see her more regularly to date, sometimes not bothered to see his child or even call her for weeks at a time, and now wants to waltz in and pretend he is capable of being a reliable parent to her.

It’s hard enough for small children when parents separate. They need reliability and routine.

OP - I would state to him clearly in writing that you are very open to him having more contact but it must be regular and he must be reliable and not let down your DD and stick to the contact arrangements. That will make it clear that you are by no means trying to obstruct things and the problem is that he has been inconsistent: at present based on your post he is neither a consistent parent nor providing 50% of her living costs as a decent parent would be doing.

Suggest that gradually his level of contact is increased and if (and only if) he sticks to the plans consistently and doesn’t let her down you can continue to increase it gradually. Since he already sees her every other weekend he should extend it by having her an additional night in the week (i.e. collect her from school and drop her to school the following morning - not still putting school collections on you for “his” nights) and deal with normal parenting i.e. school pickups, homework, uniform, getting ready for school in the morning, no just fun weekends). If he does this consistently for two rather than one weekday nights for a few months then you are pretty much at 50/50 (you doing three weekday nights and him two, and you both having alternate weekends). You could extend his weekend to include Friday evening school collection on his weekend then it will be 50/50 entirely in term time.

Then if he keeps to this consistently you can extend it to ensure he covers 50% of the school holidays, perhaps in those times with her spending longer blocks of time of several days/ a week with each parent.

50/50, if he wants it, is likely to be awarded at court, as PP have said.

So many posters on these kinds of threads seem to absolutely love frightening the OP by telling them their selfish exes will definitely get 50/50 contact - and they deserve it, without addressing any of the other details in the thread which show the ex to be a selfish arsehole who doesn’t really bother with their child, pays the bare minimum of child support and who has clearly started bullying the mum because she dared to question financial arrangements. It’s so odd, considering this is supposed to be a supportive forum for parents 🤨