Feeling lost

[OneBlueDreamer]

Relationship ended eventually after police involved due to abuse. Completely the right thing to end the relationship (i did give him time to get help/change and i really didn't want to give up on him. we have a young child together and i have two kids from previous marriage)

Im really struggling now emotionally & financially.

Ive been paying mortgage on my own for 6 months. I got the mortgage on 6 month interest only as the fixed deal ended and the payments were going to increase significantly. Now at the end of the interest only period and hes still refusing to contribute. Child maintenence arrears growing and the regular payments keep being delayed.

He was sacked due to pending criminal proceedings but negotiated with them to get severance pay of several thousand. he is working though and was only out of work literally a couple of weeks. Hes got a new car on finance and has been staying at his mates (so no expensive rent etc). Dragging his feet through financial proceedings. I think hes pushing me to just give up on a fair settlement.

But even with all that, I still think of him. Wonder if I hadn't called the police. If I hadn't applied for the divorce. I can't even imagine starting all over again with someone, how I'm going to trust again but I'm so lonely, lost and need support.

OP, sorry to hear about all this. It sounds really tough. If he was abusing you, that's horrific, worse if sometimes there were good times - it's hard to let go of someone you love.
Do you have any family nearby who can help? Are you working? Is there any way your work could support you with childcare? Do you go to church? Many churches have someone who can support you to pursue CM and help you take things through the system rather than giving up.
You are probably feeling very lonely but don't look to take up with anyone soon. You need time on your own so that there is a clear break in finances and you can prove this. Also, you need time on your own to think about what you want next.
Hugs xx

Never go back to him. He's an abuser. Talk to your bank. Join a group that supports women coming out of abusive relationships. Do whatever you can you cut ties to him. Don't think about how he's throwing away money that should be helping your child. This is very hard. But your children will thank you one day, that you were strong and didn't go back. He abused you, and he would abuse them too. Either physically or by being an unpredictable moody guy who makes them walk on egg shells. I wish you well.

Thank you for your replies. I have very little family but I appreciate mention of church.

I'm getting some universal credit now towards the little ones childcare but it's still quite a drain financially.

Whenever I find myself thinking of the good times I do try to balance it with the bad. I know im better off without him it's just so hard and not where I thought id be.

I've tried a couple of domestic abuse organisations, not really found them to be a great help so far but I have arranged to see a different one for some counselling and I'll have a look for other support groups.

I think you got it in a nutshell with "not where I thought id be". That's very perceptive. It is incredibly hard to give up your dreams, and step out of the momentum of your life in this way. And yet, it is where you are being most brave. I think persevere with the online help, and just keep looking for that one person or organisation that you will resonate with. Keep us posted xx