Relocation Order

[JoU22]

Hi all,
I'm going through a separation (not married), I want to relocate with my son to where I grew up which is where my entire family and support net work are (friends, extended family, etc).
My work is remote and so I have no issues keeping my job when I move.
I have been visiting every month since my son was born (he is now 3.5 years old). I am the primary caregiver and have always been.
My child's father is from the area we live now but has no biological family in the area. I would always advocate for them to have a relationship and suggest every other weekend and school holidays but the child's father is adamant on taking me to court and will not settle otherwise.
Does anyone have any experience in relocation orders/court cases? What are my chances in winning? I'm absolutely terrified I will be made to stay in this area and I am so isolated and lonely now the relationship has broken down.
Any advice welcome.

I support people who want to end a relationship and I don’t believe children always come first in every matter. A ridiculous expectation and standard used to guilt women. But on this matter I think their needs do come first.

A child’s primary relationship need is with their parents. And I think both parents have to do everything they can to facilitate this and make it easy for the child to see and spend time with their non resident parent. The child will be one who has to undertake long trips to see their father. They will be one who can’t attend parties and do weekend activities if they go to their fathers. Which will end in a stress dilemma for the child. I just don’t think people should do it even if that means some form of self sacrifice. Everyone I know (who is separated or divorced) has let career and life opportunities pass them by because it would impact on their children.

Legally you would have to establish it is better for the child and I don’t see that you have. If your job is remote you don’t have to move for it and you can’t argue better career opportunities. Which you might prefer to have a support network for you, it’s not clear he or she is better off. Especially given the lack of access to his other parent. You are adult you don’t need to living near your parents at the expense of affording your child the same opportunity.

He will obviously put forward a case to show he wants to provide a significant role in your son’s life. He might want a 50:50 co parenting arrangement. Which could solve your support issues.

100% agree with @LemonTT

moving away completely changes the relationship dynamics, and means your child misses out on sports, friendships, parties etc as well as simply having not having their dad close by.

you can remain where you are and work to build up your network of friends and support there. Alternatively as you think it’s fine for your ex to have limited role you can move and leave your child with their dad and you see them when you can ….. no?

She said her entire and extended family are in that area surely it’s beneficial for her son to spend more time with grandparents/ cousins (if any)?
Yes son would lose out on travel time but I know some separated couples live far away still manage to work out by adjusting the schedule.

I totally sympathise with you as in an ideal world i’d have moved back to my home town 250 miles away 15yrs ago. But I didn’t think it was fair to my children or my ex to take the children so far, and I didn’t want to put my children through travelling up and down the country on weekends / holidays. They were also in an outstanding school and had good friends, plus in a multi cultural area, which my home town isn’t. It meant I could only afford to rent here and in 6 months time I can finally move, as my youngest finishes 6th form. It has felt quite unfair at times, but I have had to remind myself why I’m doing it, and will keep doing that when i’m paying a mortgage into retirement. I guess that’s one of the downsides of splitting when you’re not in an area with family support.

Ultimately if you ex doesn’t want this (and I doubt he would) then then he could stop you. My ex ended up going on several overseas postings after I made this commitment to stay which was pretty annoying, but by that point the children were so settled in their schools and I don’t regret staying as both have done so well academically and I doubt that would have happened if we had moved.

Yes it’s beneficial for her son to spend time with extended family, but over his father? Sounds like the son does spend a lot of time with extended family as OP goes there every month. My DC still got to spend lots of time with my extended family 250 miles away in school holidays as we usually visited every holiday. But I don’t agree spending time with extended family should take a priority over their own father. Neither does the father, hence he is taking OP to court and i’d expect him to win. It does suck being made to stay in an area but you have to make the best of it and build a support network for yourself.

I won a relocation case from overseas to home. It was a long process and took over two years but it was worth it. My case involved domestic abuse and myself and my son needed family support.

I'd recommend booking an appointment with a lawyer to get advice. They'll also give you advice on what you need to document. You say you are the primary carer. What is your current split? Is he consistent?

If you can't mediate you need to go to court and show why it's in your child's best interests and how you will keep their relationship secure. Also if you move the onus will be on you to do the transfers back and forth for visitations.
People don't understand/underestimate the value of having family support around. Especially if you have a useless/abusive coparent.

How far away are we talking? How do you travel from one place to the other- hour long train ride or 5 hour car journey?

How detailed is your plan for them to continue contact?

You'd need to prove to the court how it is in your child's best interests to be removed from his father.
Would you be happy to visit your child only 4 days a month?

As the parent who moves, it would be solely your responsibility to transport your child for shared parenting.
I know a few people living in places they don't want to be, to co-parent their kid.

Honestly your chances of winning are probably slim. I know that's hard but to be fair it's generally in children's best interests to be geographically near both their parents