The grief and the loneliness

[BetternutSquish]

I'm in my first few weeks of living alone after Dh and I split - his choice not mine. I suspect he has someone else but doubt I'll ever really know for sure. I've moved into a lovely new house and have supportive friends etc. Kids all grown up and left home. Just feel so utterly grief stricken by it and I'm so lonely. Hate living on my own - i've never ever done it before. Have a cat so not entirely alone but it's not enough. I don't have room for a lodger or anything.

Is this normal? I know it is early days but it's all so overwhelming. How long to feel less bereft? It feels almost impossible right now.

It’s massive what you’ve gone through and are coming to terms with. No advice but I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low, I’m thinking of you 💐

Everyone told me to take one day at a time. And if that felt too much to take one hour at a time. It annoyed me but I think it was helpful advice. You will come out the other side of this stronger and with a fuller life, it’s going to take time and it’s not going to be linear but happier days lie ahead OP. I’m saying this as someone who was where you are now about a year ago so this isn’t trite wishful bullshit. I know it’s shit right now but it won’t always be this shit. This is time for you now, I’m rooting for you.

This will sound like rubbish, but even posting on here is something to celebrate. You are choosing to advocate for your own needs, which is a brilliant start. It does feel horrible and lonely, I remember waiting for hours in vase he called or came to see me...it was devastating and I feel your pain.

However, time and tide waits for no man, and there will come a point when you feel proud of yourself for coping. It's hard to believe, but you will (you could try to start now). I found this formed the basis of a whole new identity.

Even though your friends sound lovely, you will develop new characteristics which attract new people. Hang in there, it's an awful thing to go through, but it does create growth.

Thinking of you x

Edited for spelling.

It’s early days so give yourself a break and be positive about a new future.

Sympathy @BetternutSquish , I started a new thread on similar lines recently and people had some helpful advice https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorceseparation/5448188-adjusting-to-living-alone-post-separation (ignore the trolls!)

Others said Yes feeling like this is common, no it wont last forever.

It's very odd isn't it to go from family home with always someone there to just you. I have a younger DC who's choosing to stay w exH mostly which is v hard. Also hate living solo.

Exactly this....

Give yourself time to grow and become tge new you. I always say embrace the emotional turmoil, it will come and go like the lapping of waves until one day you feel more content.

Its a process that requires respect and understanding that this new life change IS massive.

Good luck xx

There's no denying that living alone when you have never been used to it takes some getting used to. Especially when it's enforced and not initially through choice. Mine was enforced by being widowed but you have also gone through a traumatic experience to get where you are.
But honestly once you get used to it and acclimatise yourself there are a lot of real positives to living alone. Just being able to do what you want, when you want, in your own space. It's actually quite a source of pleasure to me.

I'm glad you have your wee cat OP.
And honestly things will get better.