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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Is court now the only option

8 replies

ThePragmaticOptimist · 22/11/2025 08:17

My partner separated from his ex wife over 3 and a half years ago and they have been divorced a little over 2 years. The split was her idea. They have two DD (12)
She has since re-married (2 years ago)
Prior to the split my partner was the main carer for the girls. Once his ex had moved in with her new partner she took the girls to live with her. The girls have always been used to seeing their dad every day and now this has been reduced to every other weekend. He can't see them more as he's self employed and needs to work certain hours because of contracts that he currently has in place. Although it's a struggle for him to have the reduced time, he has tried to accept it and take the attitude of quality over quantity. Therein lies the problem. When it is his weekend to have the girls, there is invariably a 'blow-up' over an issue that his ex and her new husband have decided is a major problem (eg Why did they only have two ice creams when you took them away?) it feels like they'll dig around to find something - anything - to complain about and try and make it to the focus of his weekend. If he doesn't respond to phone calls and texts they increase
The girls have been told that they are not to phone their dad or message me. Their devices are checked to see if they have contacted either of us and they get in trouble if they have. Their step-dad has even punched the screen of one of their tablets - which has set off major alarm bells.
His ex has cut off all communication with my partner Although she has blocked him, she is not beyond unblocking in temporarily so she can send him nasty texts.
She wants all communication to go through her new husband but it's like Chinese whispers and it feels like he's adding and taking away from the messages.
My personal view is that neither their stepdad nor me should be involved directly with the arrangements that they need to make regarding the child care of their daughters.
My partner approached a mediation service and when they contacted his ex-wife she flatly refused to enter into the process. There are so many loose ends and problems caused by not having the basics in place with regards to the care of the children that something needs to be done.
My partner is a very gentle, quiet person and doesn't like the conflict but is desperate to do what is right for his girls however I am struggling to get him to see that taking the legal route is likely to be the only option he has now.
So, my question is: Is there any other route he can try or is the consensus, sadly, that he will have to go to court?

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 22/11/2025 08:49

Have they had mediation?
try that
then court

but at 12 their wishes will be taken into consideration too - their mum
sounds awful

Linzloopy · 22/11/2025 08:53

millymollymoomoo · 22/11/2025 08:49

Have they had mediation?
try that
then court

but at 12 their wishes will be taken into consideration too - their mum
sounds awful

OP has said his ex refused to engage with mediation.

jeaux90 · 22/11/2025 11:14

Is there a CAO in place? If not go to court and do it. The new DH sounds controlling so this is the way to protect them. The CAO can dictate/clarify handovers, contact, holidays etc

Then you also have a legal agreement against which you can measure and monitor the overall situation

Anna713 · 22/11/2025 15:35

You definitely need a CAO in place. Also keep any nasty texts and anything that could be evidence. Cafcass will investigate if it goes to court. It is possible to represent yourself if necessary which cuts costs considerably

Cerialkiller · 22/11/2025 15:41

Yes court.

I would also evidence all the messages and use that to request that all contact going forward is via a court approved parenting app.

LemonTT · 22/11/2025 19:37

There may be a safeguarding situation here. Has your DP had the new man checked out. He sounds aggressive and controlling.

ThePragmaticOptimist · 22/11/2025 21:02

@LemonTT. TBH this has been my thought. How do you go about getting someone checked in to? Is it that easy in this country?

OP posts:
Buscake · 22/11/2025 23:02

https://clares-law.com

also re cafcass they will do initial safeguarding checks but unless there are existing issues they will not stay involved.

I am being dragged through CAO by my ex who has a pending criminal conviction against one of the children, years of children’s services involvement and formal admissions of harm against the children and me. Despite the wealth of evidence and queues of professionals lining up to back me, you still have to endure the process and it is long. I will honestly say it is the worst experience of my life, and believe me when I tell you I have been through an awful lot :( I would do this as an absolute last resort, there were points where I truly thought the stress could kill me, and I have much much further still to go…

Home - Clare's Law

Also known as the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme is a police policy giving you the right to know if your partner has an abusive past

https://clares-law.com

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