Joint account spending post separation

[Totallyaddictedtoshoes]

We have a joint account sitting dormant which we will split and close when the financial settlement is sorted. I am wary of doing this now as he will spend his half and expect my half to be further split (he is already doing this with savings I transferred at the point we separated).
He needs to buy toiletries, clothes, hairdryer, make up etc for our daughter to keep at his house as she will soon start staying at his one weeknight instead of one weekend night eow.

He told me these are joint expenses and should be funded from the joint account. I strongly disagree as I pay for everything our daughter needs in my contact time, if, for example her hairdryer at home broke, I would replace it from my own funds as he pays maintenance and this is what I understand to be the correct way forwards. So I refused permission and explained my reasoning.

Today I have checked the joint account and found he has used it to spend £80 on things for our daughter.

I am right in my thinking aren’t I, things he needs to provide for her in his time, should be funded by him aren’t I ? I am raging!!!

I am in the same position as you, going through separation process and agreeing financial settlement. Today my ex and I discussed what would be considerd as child related expenses. We both agreed this would include clothes for our DS, as well as things like books and games for his nintendo switch. So I would probably say that things like hairdryers should be covered by joint expenses.

But joint expenses shouldn't include toiletries as these would be included in everyday groceries.

Although we are doing 50/50 shared custody with no maintenence involved, if maintenence was being paid would this not be used to pay for everyday living costs, including clothing?

It all depends on what and how you agreed to split the joint belongings in the family home. If these are with you along with your daughter’s essential items then he has a cost from the split you don’t have and I’d meet that from the joint account.

I mean it is all very easy to say you would replace the jointly bought items but that might be a never event.

What is the joint acct used for? Bills? Both wages going in?

I would have just split it and moved to it to a sole named account. If its for bills only then theres no need to touch the acct.

Costs for his child at his place come from his money. I dont see why he finds this difficult to understand 😕

It was make up, skincare, PJs and a hairdryer. When her makeup/skincare runs out or she grows out of her PJs, I buy them. I genuinely cannot fathom why the joint account is to be used for him to buy these things for his house.

The account hasn’t been touched in months, it’s dormant. CMS is paid to my account and I pay all household bills and have done since he moved out.

We haven’t split anything with regards to possessions so far as we don’t know what each of us will need after the house is sold. Until now, she has taken clothes/make up/toiletries/hairdryer etc from home as she has only been staying there one Saturday a fortnight. Now she will be going directly from school, so it’s not logistically possible for her to take everything she needs from here.

Its the fact I told him I didn’t agree with it being joint expenses and him spending it anyway which has really rankled.

Ah, the cost is related to your daughter and her preference not to lug a lot of stuff around. This is a cost of the separation and I would be willing to use some of the joint fund to make my child’s life easier. As much as you say you would replace it you are not buying it all new and all at once. But I would be specific about the items. For example the hairdryer is reasonable and some basic make up and sleep over items. But he should provide basic toiletries for the home.

Basically there was a compromise here and I would accept some set up costs for defined items and for replacements to be at your own expense.

You do have a whole houseful of joint items at your disposal that you aren’t sharing.

Well he’s done it now so I can’t do anything. I wasn’t trying to be unreasonable, I genuinely thought that things she needed whilst at his should be provided by him. It isn’t possible for her to pack all the stuff she needs along with her school stuff each week and for the past 6 months she has been taking everything from here as she’s only been going on a Saturday, so I’ve been able to send her with things from here. In that time, there have naturally been many replacements!

I would split the joint account now - that way you can show you have taken half.

It can be included in the financial separation.

So has he used the overdraft?

If its dormant the acct can be closed, you don't need to wait. Just download the forms from the bank. Each sign and job done. Even if you just want your name removed it needs 2 signatures which is rather annoying.

No, there’s money in it, we just don’t use it. It’s not been long since he finally stopped his own bills coming out of there. I want to split and close the joint accounts but I’m really wary of doing this as I know he will spend his half and then I’ll have to fight to keep mine.

Start paying for DDs things from it in the same way he has and run it down?

First of all, just split the money in the account and close it now.
Second, how would you feel if the things your DD needs duplicates of are taken to his house and YOU buy new for her at yours? Personally, I thinks he was correct to buy her duplicate Items out of the joint account at this point. However, moving forwards, once these items need replacing it’s up to the parent of the house where they are to fund the replacements. So if the hairdryer at his house breaks, he buys a new one and vice versa.

Split the money and close the account

I will be crucified for this, but I would slowly drain funds into physical cash if you're concerned he'll do the spend it all and want half your too thing.

Plus the comfort of having a couple of grand in a wad of cash (hidden) cannot be over-stated.

You wont if there is a clear showing of division. Copy of the bank acct closure and 2 transactions to each of your own named accounts.