Ex dragging things out

[ikeepforgetting]

I've been separated since March 2024 and still trying to get a consent order in place so we can finally divorce. He refuses to do things through solicitors (although I have seen one a couple of times for advice). I sent him a finance proposal a couple of months ago and apart from an initial response of him freaking out that pensions were a marital asset(!) there has been radio silence.

I can't afford to pay a solicitor really, things are very tight financially for me as a freelancer approaching the Xmas deadzone, but he is just consistently slowing things down and warning me not to 'escalate'. I just want this done!

Should I just engage a solicitor to negotiate with him (he won't get one of his own) and pay the price now for having peace of mind and freedom from him in the new year?

Unfortunately he can still ignore a solicitor to an extent...I've got as far as having a consent order and D81 completed after I eventually got my STBEX to respond but now he's not signing it. You are going to need a solicitor to draw up a consent order though so you might as well engage one. I used a fixed fee one so I at least had control over the amount I was paying - one wanted £1000 on account just to have me engage with them and I know how quickly that would have burned through!

Tell me about it, I was billed for emails totalling £700 a while back which was a huge and unwelcome lesson leaned! I know that it might just be burning through money but I can see this turning nasty and I haven’t got the emotional energy for him

it sounds like there are marital assets involved so presumably you need to get the finances agreed to move on with your life?

Divorce is expensive but if there are assets, its a necessary cost. How about inviting him to attend mediation that might get the ball rolling? Otherwise its solicitors letters if that will work or self represent in court? Mediation generally less costly and more amicable than solicitors but would require your exs engagement and willingness. Solicitors letters only work imho if other party intimidated by them.