Dumped by text

[WrenchofFirebrand]

I need a bit of moral support as I was dumped by text after five years last week.

It came pretty much out of the blue for me although I know he’s been struggling with his mental health. I thought I’d been supporting him with suggesting where he could get help.

We don’t live together but talked every day, been on holiday together, looked after each other’s children (mine 12 & 14, his 16) and he was talking about spending Christmas with us for the first time.

His dad died last August, 2024 and I think it’s weighing on him and he’s had a tough few months at work. He said he feels angry the whole time.
We were planning to spend Halloween together as our kids were all out at parties and we had a stupid falling out as he was disagreeing with everything I said and grumpy. So I left and went home, we didn’t speak over the weekend as I had my kids with me. When I did message on the Monday, I said I didn’t know what to say as I was upset about us arguing.

He replied and said ‘I’ve had a lot of time to think over the weekend and I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone. I don’t feel like I have the space in my head to be worried or thinking about anyone else’s life. I am frustrated and angry with everything and this is making me unhappy and I don’t know why. Until I can get through that I do not want to be in anyone’s life’

He hasn’t given me any other information or spoken to me so I don’t know quite what happened.
How I get over this and be cheerful for Christmas and my kids?

That’s really poor on his part, you’ll be okay though. Did you reply?

That sounds rotten, I'm sorry. I don't think you can do much really. If he doesn't want a relationship with you, try to remind yourself of your worth in your own right.

You deserve better, especially after five years.

I did, to ask if this was absolutely it or whether he felt he needed a break and also what had changed.
He said it was completely over as he didn’t want to be in a romantic relationship. And ignored the way had changed question.

I feel like it’s such a cope out and thought he was better than this.

That is a bit shit he couldn’t even say it in person or over the phone after 5yrs. Bit of a cop out. Sounds like he’s right though, and he needs to work on himself right now.

First Christmas after 5 years together! What!
It sounds like he had a different idea of what the relationship was to you.

Were you ever a married or cohabiting couple?

This. Sorry OP, you deserved better after 5 years but it sounds like he's doing the right thing in ending it. He clearly can't give you what you need right now and at least you can move on sooner rather than later.

We didn’t live together which makes it easier for him to do this.

I think you are all right in that it probably is the right thing for him, it still feels unfair and surely part of being in a relationship is supporting each other.

I miss him and the our lives fitted together.

The five years together but not living together is a red flag for me. If your partner was that cold to dump you by text then you've dodged a bullet. Respect your beautiful self, move on and find a partner that really cares and loves you. Best wishes during this difficult time. Ghost him.

It sounds like you know what changed - he’s had a bereavement and difficulties at work. You deserve more than a text, but at least he’s made a decision and not kept going in a relationship that soon would sour. I hope you have good people around you cos it’s shit.

He's done the right thing for both of you in the long run. But he should have told you in person.

Nothings changed op, you were helping him or thought you were while he was still struggling. Mh isn’t that easy and he sounds like he’s having a tough time. I’m so sorry but yes at least you can just concentrate on having fun with your dc

It’s really hard as I understand all of your comments about him doing what he needs but it feels like he bailed out when things got hard for him.
if we had been married, or living together, it would have been less likely he would have done that. But as we’re older (early 50’s) we didn’t move in together and blend our families but were talking about living together once our children were older.

His dad dying and the work stress didn’t happen overnigh lt and yet suddenly he didn’t want to be with me.

I know it won’t make sense to me at all, which is why I posted here and it’s been interesting to hear your comments.