Nobody to turn to and I'm feeling so sad

[Stuckandstressed]

Somehow it has hit me, probably because it's now cold and dark and I am dreading the Christmas period.

I've been separated for nearly 4 years when DS was 3. We were married for 10. Life is very busy as I work full time in a busy job. DS is thriving mostly I think.

I am not doing well at all. I seem to live to work and do chores and usually so exhausted, what little time I seem to have with DS, I feel I am failing him. No playdates as our house is a mess. Everyone seems to have their own circles. My DS hasn't made any real friends at school who show an interest in socialising outside of school. I have no real friends or family. I'm really just so sad and depleted. I have no one to turn to. My parents are around but do not care or check on us, my siblings are estranged or the ones who keep in touch are toxic. This weekend is another school birthday party my son hasn't been invited to and honestly for some reason this is the thing that is upsetting me most.

Don't know why I am posting. I just feel so lonely.

You need to get your son out and into extracurricular clubs.

Start with him being involved more.

It takes a-lot of effort to make Mum friends. We moved abroad a lot. You just have to take the plunge and be prepared for rejection.

I’m really sorry OP. Is there anyway you could drop your hours to free up some time for yourself and DS? A day to refresh then your weekend isn’t consumed with cleaning, washing, shopping etc? I also work FT (currently on mat leave with no2) however I struggled with my 1st, didn’t have any mum friends and things like that. So I booked a week off work and took her to a group everyday / park / swimming etc we had so much fun and I actually met some lovely ladies and their children who I keep in touch with and see frequently. Does the school have any clubs you can enrol him into? Perhaps he will make a close circle of friends from that. Sorry to hear about your family situation, do you have any friends you can talk to?

OP, let your son join a few clubs and join the mums for coffee out of the house.

If you want your son to develop closer friends then you need to invite people over to plat dates.

That sounds really hard. Sometimes it’s things that seem quite small that can tip you over the edge a bit, I have three children and definitely gone through periods of wondering why one of them hasn’t been invited somewhere. Do try not to dwell on it though, he’s still very young and some children take awhile to find their tribe.

In the meantime, you don’t have to invite children to your home if you’re not comfortable with that. You could take someone that he likes to a soft play for an hour. Pick them up and drop them home. I used to do that quite a bit with one of my children that struggled with friendships. It didn’t put any pressure on them to chat and find things to do as they were having fun at the soft play running around. Swimming is another good one.

Does your son do any clubs? I think clubs are quite helpful to meet new people and experience new things. Beavers is usually quite good although sometimes there’s a waiting list, does he like anything to do with dancing, music, football?

There are things like family hubs, events, clubs you could look into. You may not be religious but there are many Church funded activities to meet people, also single parent groups. Try different things out to hopefully find yours. Meanwhile don't stress about your house being a mess, there could be your next best friend in the same position and they don't care.

Sorry to ask but is there really no one you could call a friend or a possible one if you spent more time with them? I'm sure there will be people who want to be your mate, do you interact and reciprocate friendly mutual interest? Xxx

I really feel for you op, I don't think your situation is unique unfortunately, a lot of mum's are in the same boat.
I think you need to make a plan of action.
Kids don't notice or care what your house looks like if they are having fun, plan some activities/games and keep them moving!
Get your son involved in clubs, yes it's a commitment, especially when you are knackered and busy but football especially is very bonding for kids and parents!
At home aim to sort one room at a time, living room ideally, a coat of paint can make such a difference. Get some music on and a little helper involved!
Are there any single parent groups in your area, gingerbread maybe?
Is there anyway you can get any time for you, even a couple of hours? Is there anything you want to do, fitness,clubs, education?
It's not your forever, time races on and they are teenagers doing there own thing before you know it.
Good luck

Can you afford after school club once a week? My DC all made friends both in their own school with other children also attending and also other local schools and this lead to them just having more friends. They also had a great time at the club and I work full time so was a no brainer!
they also made friends with older children in their own school which they really liked - they thought that was really cool.