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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Man sleeps at ex wife's apt while visiting child

23 replies

JaneD117 · 14/11/2025 05:51

I met a man four months ago who divorced a year ago and has a 5 year old. He lives about an hour away from the ex and child. I recently found out that when he visits the child on the weekend, he sleeps at the apartment that the ex and child live in. He said when he's there the ex wife either goes to a friend/family member's house or sleeps in the child's bed. Otherwise, he said he sleeps in her bed since he wants to have "dominance" whatever that means exactly. He pays for the apt since the ex wife is in school and doesn't have an income so I think he sees it as his territory and that he has the right to sleep in the bed, not her. He said he doesn't want to bring the 5 year old to his small apt in an urban area because it's not an ideal place to entertain her and I do get how that would be hard. He was very open when I asked him to clarify all this with me and I temporarily felt better but then I freaked out and felt like I am the second woman while he's over there on the weekend spending time with both the ex and the kid playing family unit/weekend husband. I also had images of them together after the child was tucked in drinking wine on the couch or watching movies etc, just clocking in a lot of hours together. I texted him an ultimatum to get a hotel for now and ultimately an apt in the suburbs to bring the daughter to. He responded that he doesn't want to do this and to let him know if I change my mind. I was thinking I'd go back and say forget the apartment but a hotel is the minimum I need to continue to see him but now I'm wondering if I'm overreacting and need to just trust him? I don't want to sabotague things but also don't want to be treated unfairly. Thank you

OP posts:
GaudySocks · 14/11/2025 05:54

He wants to have dominance over his ex? Forget this one.

MYOB12 · 14/11/2025 05:59

He’s controlling. Ditch and run. 🚩

Dolamroth · 14/11/2025 06:29

I would be grateful he told me this so I could run a mile.

GreatFish · 14/11/2025 09:09

Dominance (Run for the hills)

IsntItDarkOut · 14/11/2025 09:12

dominance! Just no. Run away.

also I assume you don’t have children so I think getting into a relationship with a man with a small child is generally a mistake.

ViragoHandshake · 14/11/2025 09:13

Yes, you’re focusing on the wrong thing, OP, which is even more disturbing than a man who sleeps in his ex-wife’s bed to assert his ‘dominance’ over her when he visits theur child.

End this and work on your judgement.

Catsknowbest · 14/11/2025 09:14

Byeeeee

CagneyNYPD1 · 14/11/2025 09:16

The staying over is not the issue. His behaviour and need to dominate his ex partner is seriously worrying. Run for the hills.

user1492757084 · 14/11/2025 09:16

Some people do have an arrangement whereby one parent goes elsewhere and the child stays at home.
Sleeping in the ex's bed while she is still there is weird.

Why can't the ex. go to his apartment on her own?

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/11/2025 09:17

He sounds like a knob

MannersAreAll · 14/11/2025 09:18

The staying in her apartment isn't the issue. The second he stated he wants dominance over his ex in her own home you should have ran a mile.

Abracadabrador · 14/11/2025 09:26

Do you want to date a man who is only a part time parent, who wants to dominate women?

Suednymph · 14/11/2025 10:17

He used the term dominance? Run.

TwoTuesday · 14/11/2025 10:20

He wants to have "Dominance" over an ex? Really? Run away now, and fast.

TalulahJP · 14/11/2025 18:35

Dominance??? WTAF. 😱
No no no no no no no no no no no
Run. Hes fucked up.
What he does to her he will do to you. She should tell him to away and raffle.

Zempy · 14/11/2025 18:44

Run 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

JaneD117 · 14/11/2025 18:57

The dominance part was distracting, to be fair, I'm not even sure I heard or understood him clearly regarding that phrase. Can you tell me why you think him staying over isn't the issue? I'd like to get more clarity on your take here.

OP posts:
Titasaducksarse · 14/11/2025 19:00

I know people who keep child in same environment and swap in and out for contact. Fine.

His use of the word dominance.....run, don't look back
The most crimson of red flags

Lostuser · 14/11/2025 19:02

JaneD117 · 14/11/2025 18:57

The dominance part was distracting, to be fair, I'm not even sure I heard or understood him clearly regarding that phrase. Can you tell me why you think him staying over isn't the issue? I'd like to get more clarity on your take here.

Of course you heard it correct I think you’re trying to sweep that bit under the carpet now. The staying over part is irrelevant because surely you won’t stay with a man who likes to assert his dominance over women, I know I certainly wouldn’t!

Arlanymor · 14/11/2025 19:03

ViragoHandshake · 14/11/2025 09:13

Yes, you’re focusing on the wrong thing, OP, which is even more disturbing than a man who sleeps in his ex-wife’s bed to assert his ‘dominance’ over her when he visits theur child.

End this and work on your judgement.

Yes this. You can't mistake 'dominance' for anything else other than control and this idea of paying for his child's home so seeing it as his territory is gross.

As for this notion that they would be drinking wine on the couch or watching movies etc. - would you do that with a man who literally ejects you from your own bed on a regular basis to asset his control? She probably despises him, unless he has bullied her so badly that she doesn't know which way is up.

Come on - this has red flag all over it. He's an arsehole. Plain as day.

Also why did you give him an ultimatum if you weren't prepared to back it up? You were right. He is massively in the wrong. And you are now being flakey.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 14/11/2025 19:17

🚩 the dominance thing is so weird and I call 💩 on them sleeping separately (or maybe even being separated at all). I know people switch in and out of the home depending on whose time with the children it is, but the only couple I’ve known happy to have sleep overs like that were YEARS post divorce, both remarried and there being a guest room (I.e. appropriate boundaries!)
The dominance thing though… OMG! He’s insane. If he dominates his ex why would you want him? And if he is actually able to dominate her still like that (telling her how to live in her own home, which it is because he moved out, it doesn’t matter who pays the bills) then do you really think she thinks it’s over? Why would any woman over someone or without hope of reconciliation still let her ex dominate her? Maybe she’s a victim, but why would you be the new victim?! Bleurghhhh even the use of the word “dominate” has made my blood boil and skin crawl all at once.

To be perfectly frank, OP, the fact you are even considering this f-ed up situation for even a second tells me you really need to run a mile. Men like him pray on women with questionable boundaries. Don’t be that woman.

WhatNoRaisins · 14/11/2025 19:23

I mean the best case scenario with his use of the word dominance is that he fancies himself to be a Christian Grey and that's the best case scenario. Doesn't it make you shudder OP?

ThatIsAVeryOrangeOrange · 14/11/2025 19:28

GaudySocks · 14/11/2025 05:54

He wants to have dominance over his ex? Forget this one.

Yes - this is the problem (obviously surely).

If he hadn't said that he could instead have explained the co-parenting "nest" model in which the child's home remains the child's home and parents are the ones who live part of the time in the family home and part elsewhere, depending who is primary parent that week.

However that explanation about wanting "dominance" makes it instantly clear his priority isn't stability for his child, but power games and keeping his ex down.

He's told you who he is - leave as fast as you can.

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