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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

How do I cope with the pain of my ex building a new family with the woman he cheated with?

24 replies

endangeredmum · 11/11/2025 19:06

I don’t even know where to start. My ex and I were together for seven years. He was emotionally abusive and had multiple affairs, one of which resulted in another baby while we were still together. I have always raised our two children (now 7 and 4) on my own, he was never present.

He’s now with the woman he had the baby with, and together they’ve created a lovely new family - him, her, their baby, and my children when he sees them. It’s like he’s just slotted my children into this new setup, pretending everything is normal, while I’m left holding all the pain and pieces of what he did.

I can’t stop thinking about it. The idea of my kids being part of that family, the one that came out of betrayal and lies, makes my stomach turn. I don’t want my pain to spill over to my children, but it hurts so deeply.

Has anyone else been through this? How do you cope with the constant ache of knowing your ex has moved on and is creating a life that includes your children with the person who caused so much destruction? I just want to find peace and stop feeling so heartbroken.

He is enjoying every second of it - he was so smug when he broke the news about his new baby to me and he so enjoyed how much it hurt me. I have no idea why I stayed with someone like this for so long.

OP posts:

Ploptwerp · 11/11/2025 19:09

How long ago did you split?

are you happy otherwise in life? Job? Friends? Social life? Family?

ChikinLikin · 11/11/2025 19:12

It must be so painful.
I think you should let yourself feel the pain.
Then, I'm sure you've heard the phrase "the best revenge is a life well lived". Would you consider some therapy to talk about how you can move forward and live well. You deserve it.

GreyTS · 11/11/2025 19:23

Oh honey, I know it hurts but think of this new women, everything you’ve lived through is ahead of her. Whereas painful as it is right now you are on your way out. He is still the same person, he will be a shitbag to her too, it is vanishingly unlikely that he’s had any kind of personality transplant. So concentrate on yourself and your babies, they won’t be part of his ‘new’ family, he already has no interest in them. You get to have them all to yourself to create a lovely peaceful home. If you do this right you’ll have a lifetime of happiness ahead

NearlyDec · 11/11/2025 19:26

I doubt they’re having a lovely time in an abuse relationship where he can’t be trusted not to cheat.

Holdonforsummer · 11/11/2025 19:32

I’m sorry you are in pain but you’ve said he was emotionally abusive and had multiple affairs. I think what you need now is some counselling to help you see how much better off you are without him and to help move on. Good luck! Ps. If he’s that awful, the new woman will see see his true colours soon enough.

researchers3 · 11/11/2025 19:38

Holdonforsummer · 11/11/2025 19:32

Plus, she will never trust him as she knows what he is capable of. If she has any sense, anyway.

It's a horrible position for you to have been put in, literally all you can control is your behaviour and your future.

It's not unlikely their happy life now will implode at some point...

Do you have good friends? Have you tried therapy? Time to think about you and your future. The pain will fade but it does take time sadly. X

researchers3 · 11/11/2025 19:38

Plus, she will never trust him as she knows what he is capable of. If she has any sense, anyway.

It's a horrible position for you to have been put in, literally all you can control is your behaviour and your future.

It's not unlikely their happy life now will implode at some point...

Do you have good friends? Have you tried therapy? Time to think about you and your future. The pain will fade but it does take time sadly. X

Evergreen505 · 11/11/2025 19:42

If he's emotionally abusive - that's him and who he is. So it wasn't because you made him. This is him. So his new wife and family will endure this behind closed doors.

Social media will absolutely destroy people's chances of moving on if not managed. Can you come away from that? If I was on this I'd be head in oven by now. Even though I know it's all a presentation of what people want you to think, not reality.

Try avoid communicating with him or anything connected to him and do things that make you feel nice. It's ok to cry and feel the grief. So cry and grieve the illusion you've lost.

vivainsomnia · 12/11/2025 08:04

He announced she was pregnant with smugness when you were still together?

Elektra1 · 12/11/2025 08:09

It gets better when you accept that what you have “lost” to someone else is a liar and a cheat who didn’t love or respect you, and who put his own happiness above that of his children. People are flawed and make bad decisions and behave selfishly. It is helpful to those they hurt if they can acknowledge the pain they’ve caused, but that is rarely possible for many people. So your closure comes from your OWN acceptance that what you miss is not the reality of what was, but your idea of what it should have been.

It gets better and life can be a lot easier without treading on eggshells around someone else’s ego.

Twiglets1 · 12/11/2025 08:13

All you can do is let yourself feel the pain. The feelings will go away eventually but at the moment it's healthier to acknowledge them than to try to stop them.

He's no prize is he? In time you will come to see that the perfect images you see on social media are not the whole story and he won't have changed into a decent family man, it's just a role he's playing right now.

WhatHappened1234 · 12/11/2025 12:55

This is a very similar story to mine, together for 20+ years 4 kids and he cheated emotionally, then he left told each other they loved each other 4 days later now they live together with her kids even though our older 3 have said they want nothing to do with her he still picked her and her kids over ours.

I'm fuming for my kids and that he could just be so selfish but it hurts cause i still love this man for some crazy reason and cant just turn it off. He thinks I should just be happy that hes happy. Delusional comes to mind. I have no advice, as I have no idea how im getting through this and past it just wanted you to know you aren't alone

Cadenza12 · 12/11/2025 13:03

You can't lose what you never had. Be glad that he is not your problem anymore and make your life elsewhere. You have 2 children to think about so let go of the past. Don't waste your life in bitterness, it's too short.

jeaux90 · 15/11/2025 12:24

Be glad that you dodged the bullet. You can create a new life without his cheating ass in it.

MajorMerrick · 15/11/2025 13:05

I am 27yrs out of an abusive relationship

I look at my exbf life now, he is married with a ds, They’ve just had a big win on the postcode lottery and he keeps posting pics on how they’re spending it, how much he loves his wife and son and his dd from a previous relationship. Everything appears perfect. However, I know that he put the girlfriend before me in hospital, after we finished he bit the ear off his next partner on their honeymoon, he has 2 other dc who don’t speak to him and one who he’s never met.. There’s a string of women he has damaged. Appearances are just what they portray to the outside world. There’s no way a man like that changes to the extent his wife and dc are blissfully happy, there’s no way. I am happy I’m not with him, that’s for sure. I’ve built a lovely life since we ended, and you will too.

lostintranslation148 · 15/11/2025 14:08

So you have a 7 year old from a 7 year relationship? It sounds like he likes getting women pregnant 5 minutes after he meets them. He's horrible OP, you know he's horrible, you are so much better off without him. Who know how long it will be before he gets bored and decides to get another woman pregnant.

Stop being hurt, sad or even interested in his pathetic life. Feel sorry for the new women and all the kids. Start concentrating on yourself and improving your life.

TangoWhiskeyAlphaTango1 · 17/11/2025 10:34

But he is a total twat and you are far far better off without him - how can you not see that? I understand you are angry at the injustice you see but really you should feel relieved and terribly sorry for his new woman as he will only treat her the same over time.

Original poster

endangeredmum · 17/11/2025 14:22

Hello all and thank you so much for your lovely messages, I have read and appreciate every single one and they have helped immensely.

I finally sold and moved out of the family home, which has helped immensely. He is very money focused so not helping me with the mortgage means he is leaving me alone a lot more. So now all he pays is £24 a week through the CMS for our two boys. It’s not great, but if it means he leaves me alone - I will take it!

I moved into a new home with my boys and it’s so wonderfully peaceful starting afresh without him in our lives. I can’t believe I put up with it for so long.

I know there will be more nasty surprises around the corner, but at least I have managed to put some distance between him and I. The baby’s mother has money, so he will be looking to coast along on that for now until he starts the cycle of abuse with her. She’s in for a world of pain. I do feel sorry for her.

luckily I protected my money but she may not know to do the same.

OP posts:

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 17/11/2025 14:47

It will not be a lovey family. He won’t change. Those poor kids. All of them.

Thank your lucky stars you’re out of it.

CosySeason · 17/11/2025 14:52

Just reading your first paragraph tells me you are very, very well rid of him. She is his problem now, he will cheat on her but that’s her choice.

Enjoy being free of him.

Meadowfinch · 17/11/2025 15:02

Thank your lucky stars he's gone.
He's a morality free zone who will do the same to her in time. I think I'd just feel sorry for her, and be glad you can raise your children without too much influence from such a 3rd rate shabby excuse for a man.

CandiedPrincess · 18/11/2025 09:46

and is creating a life that includes your children with the person who caused so much destruction?

Reframe. HE is the person that caused all the destruction. Be glad he's gone.

ChikinLikin · 20/11/2025 13:30

endangeredmum · 17/11/2025 14:22

Hello all and thank you so much for your lovely messages, I have read and appreciate every single one and they have helped immensely.

I moved into a new home with my boys and it’s so wonderfully peaceful starting afresh without him in our lives. I can’t believe I put up with it for so long.

luckily I protected my money but she may not know to do the same.

24 pounds a week for two boys!! That is outrageous, but at least you are largely shot of him. Good luck and enjoy the rest of your life!

LikeMyHeartIsAboutToStopBeating · 20/11/2025 13:41

I am so sorry. I have been there. My ex was not abusive towards me but he lied and cheated for many years. The hardest thing I’ve ever done was waving my children off to their new family twice a week and that my ex and his new partner had all the joy of that while I dealt with the pain.

I promise you it fades. Knowing that the children were happy was heartbreaking but also helped a lot. I rebuilt my life to centre the things that matter to me and around my values and a decade or so later I’ve put all the bitterness behind me. I don’t think I have a good answer to the “how to do it” question beyond “it just takes time”. Therapy helped, as did living well (the best revenge). But it was just a slow and boring process.

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