Quiet quitting a relationship or marriage

[outofofficeon]

I’m finding myself checking out of my relationship (20 years, two kids). Is it best to quiet quit and plan an exit without saying anything or to be upfront with my plans?

It’s just not working anymore and I’m finding it harder and harder to not be honest with myself….or him.

Without knowing the details - like, is he abusive or are there other considerations - I think 'quiet quitting' is not for relationships. Are you completely sure the relationship is beyond saving? Is this going to come out of the blue for him or will he have an idea? I think it is much kinder and will lead to a less destructive ending for everyone if you can talk to him about how you're feeling. If he is feeling the same and you can end calmly together, much better than just springing a rejection on him and the end of your family on the kids (however old they are).

I think if you’re consciously quiet quitting then you should stop that and talk about it. I was definitely doing it but I wasn’t conscious of it…I’d just become numb to the state of my marriage. It wasn’t until the “life’s too short” thoughts started creeping in that I realised how bad things were. I genuinely thought my husband was on the same page as me as we had such little interaction and he didn’t seem to like me very much! Turns out that the moment I quit, he would embark on a relentless campaign to win me over.

No.

Be fair to the person you’ve spent 20 years with, even if it’s coming to an end. Talk about it. It may be a wanky way of putting it, but conscious uncoupling describes something real. Commit to a bit of mutual discovery.

It depends on how you think they will react. If you are definitely done, take the route that causes least anguish.