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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

1st Settlement talks coming up

13 replies

cozer62 · 08/11/2025 18:39

Any advice?
My husband is a narcissist and alcoholic. He has promised to flatten me. I know I am entitled to 50-50, however, he has inheritance in a separate account. I am aware that I am not entitled to it. I really am hoping to secure a higher percentage of the sale of our family home. Children grown up. How do you hold your nerve?

OP posts:
zipadeedodah · 08/11/2025 18:42

Make him a reasonable offer and then don't deviate from this. If he doesn't accept your offer (and it's a reasonable one) then just go straight to court and let the judge decide. No point spending £10k and 2 years on solicitors if he's just gonna disagree with every suggestion you make.

millymollymoomoo · 08/11/2025 20:28

You’re not entitled to 50:50

youre entitled to a fair share - which could be more or less depending on your circumstances

what does your solicitor advise ?

Original poster
cozer62 · 08/11/2025 23:02

its complicated! Yes I’m entitled to more of the sale of the family home 🏠 as he has an inheritance which gives him more financial assets. He had 2 large sums of money owed to him but citing they can not pay him …. (We know he will get this money after the divorce) he has a job which is well paid .. I have just retired. So solicitor mentioned 60% of sale of family home
pensions have to be decided too
to be honest I was hoping to ask for 70% due to my financial disadvantage but would be happy with 65% as that would balance our assets fairly.
courts are a different world it hard to know how to be prepared be reasonable and also be fare to yourself.

OP posts:
janiejonstone · 08/11/2025 23:18

Double check on the inheritance. Mine was counted as part of the marital pot even though it was always kept in a separate account. It can only be claimed as separate under very specific circumstances.

As said above, you're not entitled to anything other than a fair split. The starting point is 50:50 but there are many factors that can change that, including potential for future earnings and income. If you have children who live with you then the priority will be to ensure you are able to adequately rehouse and support them.

Really feel for you. My ex is a narcissist and all he cared about was winning. Didn't give a crap about how I'd be able to support our daughter.

EnglishRain · 08/11/2025 23:21

My inheritance was kept separate. I even got back what I had paid off of the mortgage in the last year because I wouldn’t have used it in that way had I known about my ex’s behaviour at the time. I expect it is a case by case basis.

rwalker · 08/11/2025 23:28

The judge will look at what you actually need rather than want

how old are the kids

THisbackwithavengeance · 09/11/2025 00:20

You can argue over £10k and spend double that that on solicitors as a friend of mine is finding. Be mindful.

millymollymoomoo · 09/11/2025 07:50

Is there a large age disparity ?

I’d absolutely expect him to reject a proposal that you take 60% of equity and 70% of pension.

Original poster
cozer62 · 09/11/2025 07:58

Yes there’s a large disparity as he has an inheritance in a separate account. My solicitor has mentioned 60% of the sale of the family home. But nothing about pension … I’m not sure why you thought I’d be looking for 70% of his pension

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 09/11/2025 08:07

That’s how it read in your post upthread but now I see you meant equity

I meant is there a large age disparity between you and ex

ultimately you need to take your solicitors advise and none of us here have any details but treat these as a business negotiation. you state what you believe you need, he will counter. Deal in facts not emotions and remain civil

Original poster
cozer62 · 09/11/2025 08:15

I don’t want his pension as I have a small pension of my own. I just want to be able to put a roof over my head after 32years of marriage. I worked part-time for 42 years of my life. Raised 2 children one with extra needs… mostly single-handedly as he was rarely at home citing his job was more important. We had 2 children the last one almost finished college. He is an abusive man (narcissistic) and an alcoholic. His relationship with his children he destroyed himself. He has a large debt over €100,00.00 due to him but cites his friend can’t pay it…. This will be paid after the divorce .. I have to overlook this as it is not an asset at the moment. He is working.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 09/11/2025 10:28

Op you should bring in his pension. You should equalise these.

and you can of course leverage this for higher equity. But if you’re retiring don’t overlook and ignore this

BagpussWasRight · 12/11/2025 15:43

OP, if he is owed money he has to declare this on Form E (section 2.6).If he doesn't, you can use your questionnaire to ask about it.

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