What did you tolerate when you were married that seems utterly bizarre now?

[CandyColouredEggshells]

I want to try and keep this light, not trying to downplay anyone else who’s experienced DA, but just because it made me smile the other day to think of so this is more for fun?

I'll go first:

XHB used to forget/refuse to empty the kitchen bin, he’d just push the rubbish down to avoid it which meant if you tried to empty it after he’d squashed it the top of the bin bag would just tear and I’d have to rebag it and clean it off the floor 🤢 so I’d just do it in the first place to avoid having to mess with that.

He also if I left the bin with no bag in it (usually if I’d sprayed it with antibac and was waiting for it to dry) he’d just “accidentally” put rubbish in it. I know we’ve all done that, I definitely have, but he’d leave the rubbish in the bin, obviously thinking “no bag, ah well, that woman I treat like shit will clean it when she finds it”.

Been divorced 7 months and I couldn’t be happier!

My ex used to leave his dinner plate on the floor next to the couch, every time. Congrats on your new life x

Being told off if something had gone off in the fridge and I hadn't noticed - obviously the normal response would be to just throw it out but I accepted the song and dance around it, and even apologised!

And the not cleaning of the toilet after a poop. Why? I expect my dds to leave it clean now yet just cleaned up after him!

8 years divorced, a very lovely 8 years indeed!

Omg the toilet thing! Same! Think I’d forgotten repressed that!

With ex husband, regularly letting the petrol knowingly go down to zero before I had to drive to work early in the morning. Conked out before I reached a petrol station in the middle of the road several times over the years 😬
Sharing a bed with him seems utterly bizarre as well, now.

I really wanted a calm and happy atmosphere for the kids, and ex knew this. He used to wait until the kids were all in the room with us, and start having a go at me, calling me names and listing everything I had apparently done wrong. He did this because he knew I wouldn't respond, because I didn't want the kids upset. He used to smirk at me while he was doing it. God I hated that man. Divorced 25 years but it never leaves you.

Just being a complete PITA if he had to do something he didn’t want to do. Like attending my mum’s birthday party. It was a pub lunch, so nothing particularly demanding. He had a face like a slapped arse throughout, certainly no conversation from him, it was a struggle to try and be normal and to give mum a nice time because he was like a black cloud and I had knots in my stomach, then we all went for a stroll afterwards but he got in a complete paddy because he was wearing the wrong shoes so I gave up and we left, he drove home for an hour without saying a single word. Then acted like nothing had happened.

The first day I had to myself after leaving him is still the happiest day of my entire life.

were you all married to my ex?

I remember that feeling, @PermanentTemporary , the day I moved into my own little home away from him. My heart was singing and I felt like I was walking on air.

It’s quite strange but sad isn’t it how even though these are “tame” things like being sat at a pub lunch with your stomach in knots because they’re being a moody PITA is sooo indicative of things being not ok.

Yup @Mydahliasareshit how I ever had a cuddle with that man is astounding to me now and @dontlikethings that doesn’t bode well for me 😂 I keep telling myself disinterest is the opposite to loving someone, but yeah I pretty much just hate him at this stage.

ETA: didn’t mean to repost this

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mine used to get the mouldy food out of the fridge and leave it on the counter so I could check if it could be thrown out because he thought I might be keeping it for some reason…

I can’t believe how much I tolerated the passive aggressive actions and how much they made me feel like I was in the wrong.

I feel so so sorry for women throughout history who didn't have the choices that we have today. There's still loads wrong with society but at least now we can hopefully rid ourselves of abusive men.

My ex was revolting. He was left incontinent (and impotent) after a bodged prostatectomy. The upside was that he couldn't do things to me whilst I was asleep. The downside was he would leave his used incontinence pants on top of the bedroom furniture or on the carpet. I can only assume it was another form of punishment for me. Everything was always my fault and he destroyed my MH. I was medicated for most of the marriage. Like I said, revolting.

Separated since end 2017 and although the divorce was yet another form of punishment, I had the last laugh with a great financial settlement and have never looked back.

Any event I wanted to go to having to listen to all the other options we could do instead so i'd maybe say 'i fancy X for dinner?' and he would say 'or we could do a,b,c?' and either we would do a/b/c...but if we did X I would be 'controlling'...with my new partner I apparently now mitigate the answer and add the a/b/c and he says 'but you want to go to X so let's go to X' (he picks as often as I do), he's pulled me up on it that I'm allowed to have ideas of what I would like to do. Never even realised I did it til was pointed out at me

Similar to PP. I’d be in knots whenever we were around people/had visitors of what his mood was going to be like, if he would be rude and just trying to manage everything that was discussed to try and prevent him showing me up! Often before the visit he’d bring up something Id said innocently that he’d store away, e.g he’d know my friend was on a diet and would ask in a conversational way what we’d both eaten when we went dinner - then before meeting he’d remind me *Hannah had desert - it was like a threat he’d bring up that I’d said that as if I’d be bad mouthing her, sometimes he would say it sometimes he wouldn’t. So weird now I look back!

I didn’t even realise until years later I never felt like that around his family (not friends as he had none 🚩) so it was absolutely done on purpose.

His 4 day weekday working pattern meant he didn't work on Fridays. But he refused to parent / look after our child on the Friday because he wanted to go to the gym. So I'd have to get childcare for our child when one of his parents was at home most of the day. We were struggling for money so could have done without an extra days nursery fee each week. He could go to the gym before or after I went to work , but no, he insisted on having the day to himself. And sending our child to unnecessary childcare.

Pissing around the toilet and on the seat.
Not working. Snoring and shouting abuse at me if I woke him up while trying to make him change position. Not having an erection for 16 years. Refusing to clean even though in order not to work he said he wanted to be a househusband. Not brushing his teeth. Smoking.
Other than that he was lovely!
Jesus reading that list makes me cringe. Why can we not love ourselves enough to set decent standards

If I had put something somewhere to remind me to do something with it (e.g. put a soda stream cannister on the hall table because I needed to swap it) he would put it back where he thought it belonged.

Banging his fucking spoon on his bowl as he ate. Clang! Clang! Clang!

Three more days and I'm escaping.

If this means you’re planning on leaving then I am 100% behind you and you absolutely can do this.

I left in April last year, I won’t lie I still have nightmares about the day I left, also have nightmares about the day the house sale went through actually but that’s another story. But you’re so much stronger than you realise and tough as it is it’s just reaffirming the fact that you’re better off without and deserve more.