Can I say no ?

[ilovepeonies]

Husband and I split in January. married 6 years - he had an affair and left

his earnings £9000 pcm
mine £900 pcm (currently working 2 days a week will increase once I move)

my savings £40,000 (inheritance from parent who died recently)
his savings 0

property equity 425k (his before marriage)
his second property 100 k
his pension 80k (I dont have a pension)

He is proposing to give me 260k but wants me to live within a 'convenient location' to London where he lives. I am really struggling to find a home for me myself, child and dog. We really need a little bit of outside space for child and dog (bedtime wee etc) and I cant bare to rehome our family pet. Can i say no to this amount or does it seem fair? he also wants to give £600 child maintenence but CMS is saying £900 when i calculate it. (hes self employed)

I am wanting to go to west sussex where I can afford a property for that price but he is saying no. mediation is not changing this - he is firmly not allowing me to go there.

I am looking at shared ownership options in surrey however I think I will be financially stretching myself with the rent cost and it would also mean i need to put down 30k of my savings for my cash share of the home (50%)

the marital home is sold and due to complete in december and I currently have nowhere to go apart from my mums.

I could rent in surrey but I will need to look for a new job because of relocating from London the cost of trains, childcare, dog care wouldn't be worth me keeping my current job and it also doesnt work timing wise with breakfast club/after school club and my working hours.

I am really really at a loss. Our mediator has told me to borrow money from family or get a loan to make 260k work and I have said I dont want to get in debt when my job, housing etc is already so uncertain

All I can think to do is to move to my mums temporarily to try and find my feet and homeschool my child or enroll her in a school there but my ex is saying no.

I cant piece together how to move to a new location, get a job with enough hours to afford rent until I wait for the shared ownership property I have applied for to be build and finished (May 2026)

As it currently stands im going to be homeless in 6 weeks and everything feels very heavy.

History of coercive and financial control

Please help me (and be kind I am feeling very low)

You can’t claim UC with £40k savings. You need to use that for a solicitor.

She can use her savings for the home and then claim benefits. She can’t argue for more money for needs and not use it.

Unfortunately family court can order the child back very quickly if you move away, in my personal experience. Family court ignore financial concerns and prioritise sharing care as equally as possible and changing nothing , in my experience. A controlling man can keep you where they want you, in my experience. Women’s Aid can point you to solicitors but you still have to pay if not eligible for legal aid, in my experience. Rights of Women never answered the phone, in my experience. It’s a nightmare. There is no sanity. Family court is just a race to tick the 50/50 box. Any mediated solution you can get is likely better than family court.

@ilovepeoniesi don’t think a judge will sign that FO off as it’s massively in his favour PLEASE see a solicitor for this. Do not agree to his “offer”

giving that I am going to be homeless in 6 weeks where else am i meant to go?

You have £40k of savings and 6 weeks to find a rental.

You have 40k in savings why can't you afford a solicitor?

I do have a solicitor. I use her when I need to

Well quite. You aren’t going that far away, you are willing to share the travel & he isn’t currently involved in caring for your DC.

Does he really have no savings .... or he is he hiding a lot of money? How would you know he's not hiding a lot of savings or assets somewhere.

I imagine I'd move heaven & Earth to get out of marriage with this guy.