House equity disagreements - Mesher?

[WaningCrescent19]

Hi all.
Just need some guidance re financial position with my divorce. For background information I have two young kids that go to a local school and I'm the primary carer (will have roughly 65/35 childcare split).
So we bought a house for 330k, his mum gave us a "gift" (what this was named upon purchase) of £260k as husbands early inheritance. Then we both contributed £35k each from sale of the previous house. Now he's decided to leave, I proposed getting a mortgage on this house for £130/140k depending on affordability. And then he can have the rest owed upon sale of this house (with normal accruing interest on top).
He is saying he wants the £130 upfront and then 50% of the house sale when sold in future. I'm saying that's not fair. So he is now suggesting we both remortgage for £260k to pay his mum back and then we're on even ground... I am not happy about getting a mortgage with him as he can just decide to not pay it and I'll be left with a mass amount I can't afford. I understand he will be out of pocket (well his mum technically but it's his future money) but also I will not be granted a higher mortgage on my affordability and cant think of another way than a mesher order along with £130k upfront.
Any thoughts? I really don't want to move house as will not find one in this area and my daughter is on a waiting list for ADHD, school has measures in place, I'm already dropping a bombshell of a divorce... Don't want them having to move schools too 😣.
To him I look like a money grabber and I cannot get a decent compromise. (He has little care, clearly, about uprooting the kids... As long as he gets his money) But surely £130k is a fair amount to get him a new house. Will the courts see it that way? Oh I hate having to do this on top of the emotional turmoil...

I think your complex question is beyond the scope of most people on this board.

May I suggest you discuss this with your solicitor?

Found it hard to follow

how much is house worth now
hiw much equity Is there
how much of his share of that are you proposing to defer ?

are you agreeing to a 50:50 split of equity in principle ( what about other assets?)

Judges don't like mersher orders any longer and will prefer a clean break even if it means you have to rent from now on.

You need to consider that could be the outcome if you can't agree between yourselves.

Was the £260k ‘gift’ from his mum put in writing? Was it discussed what would happen if you split up? Was that put in writing?

So there's a gifted deposit declaration sent to the conveyancers that she is gifting it to both of us and doesn't want a stake in the house . Otherwise nothing in writing about paying it back etc.

Yeah but this would be modified mesher in a sense as I will be giving him a lump sum of £150k and the rest to be paid by sale of property when the kids turn 18. I am not leaving him disadvantage and with enough deposit to put down. Surely, this will avoid the order of the sale of the house...😣 Really don't want to sell as the properties nearby to school are all far too expensive for me to buy by myself.

Sorry I'll clarify

House is now worth £374k. I am agreeing to giving him back the "gifted deposit" and 50% of the equity. I will be giving him £150k upfront so that's around 47% of his equity and the "gift" amount owed.

We are not touching any other assets like pensions etc.

Small savings pot going to kids. Separate cars. Haven't discussed furniture but wouldn't really be an issue to split as most kitchen appliances are integrated and anything electronics have been bought by us separately as we have always had separate accounts as well as the joint.

I was hoping not to get a solicitor involved as I thought we had more than fair deal but now it seems like we both had different proposals in mind. It's a very amicable, no fault divorce but money is turning it slightly tense sadly.

If you have £150k to give him, how come you don't have enough with your spare of the equity to buy another property?

How old are the children. Is it going to be realistic that he is financially tied to you for (potentially ) the next 10+ years. Is he a very high earner who that would impact minimally.
His mum was stupid to gift £260k in this way.

You definitely need legal advice and to involve a solicitor.

Didn't you have a long thread going some time ago? You didn't like the advise you got and your exH got a lot of sympathy because, frankly, you were difficult and wanted to stay at the house at all costs. Was it you OP?

You won’t get a mortgage company agree to remortgage to pay the £150k now and then leave him on the mortgage/deeds with a view to paying him the rest later. Mine refused

My parents gifted money for a deposit which my ex-husband took half of when we split. It stung at the time but I took it on the chin. If the starting point is 50/50 you technically owe him £187k from the house. Could you remortgage for that amount and just give him it?

It might be worth you getting a solicitor however , whilst 50/50 is the starting point, dependent on earnings, other assets, etc, it could be that it goes 60/40, 70/30 etc.

is the house the only asset either of you have, no pensions or do you have equal size pensions? No expensive cars, no savings or investment accounts, nothing else?

Your situation is complex-you will only be able to avoid a solicitor if there is a plan both of you are happy with which sounds like it's not the case here!

My £150k will be from getting a mortgage on the property, my equity is only £50k so can't get a 3 bedroom anywhere near this area with how much they will let me mortgage for plus this deposit.

Huh? My divorce is very new,.. My only other post was about whether I should leave him or not. Majority told me to leave, we had a talk, he said he would change. He didn't and decided he was actually unhappy too and now we're divorcing. It's fairly amicable really, hence why I want to iron out the finances without too many arguments. I don't want this to become something he holds against me and refuses to see the kids as a "punishment" (sadly he is capable of this).

I just want this to be done so he can get a house and we can coparent amicably. Hence my agreement to just give him the gifted deposit, even though, through research I can see that it's considered as matrimonial asset. But I think the courts will end up rejecting but he refuses to see a mediator because he says that money is his and he wants it.

I just want this to be done

Well, this will only be 'done' when an agreement is reached which, as you can't manage between you, will need help. A solicitor is in all likelihood going to be needed.

Are your pensions of equal value?

also technically the house is half yours, as she gifted the money to both of you. Morally obviously a different matter

How long have you been married?