First steps in separating

[cakesandchocolate]

Long marriage has come to an end - lifelong lack of support leading to resentment on my part and subsequent disengagement on both sides, coupled with husband now engaging in an emotional affair.

19yo at home, failing to launch
21yo left home, working
15yo at home

I have always been the default parent, worked part time throughout, now working full time.

Financially comfortable if complex when it comes to division - family business with his siblings involved.

I'm struggling to know how to start the process. Husband is not decisive and seems to be doing anything to make me make the final call.
But when I do, what then…
Everything feels overwhelming - telling the kids, decisions about housing - don’t really want the 15yo to be uprooted- financial division (everything is joint)

Do I need to take legal advice before I call it?
fwiw I believe it will be amicable and fair…

any advice??

You don’t have to have legal advice. We didn’t. But we’d always been fair, always earned sane etc and we just sorted things ourselves

Just file for divorce £612 online. He’ll be served notice to his email address. At least then you start the ball rolling and he will have to start working with you to separate your lives. My solicitor (free 30 min appt) told me most men live in denial - they need you to kick things off.

To start with and to give you an idea of financial minimum you’re entitled to 50% of the equity in the house. Basing it on only that amount, do you feel comfortable enough to proceed with the separation? I’m not saying you might not get more than that but the equity is pretty much a given at 50% and if you can’t make things work on that then you may prefer to seek legal advise first to get a better of your position.

Thanks.
financially I have no issue with separation (other than the headache of sorting it out. I don’t know at what stage that happens.)

@cakesandchocolate thats good that you’re all set financially but splitting is a headache you’re right. On the other hand, I’ve recently wondered at the house when my husband has moved all his crap out and there will be cupboards and storage spaces free and I don’t have to see his annoying face every day! Worth it!

I’m really anxious about the kids - I know they’re older but I can’t fathom how this changes things for them and their relationships with us. I think they’ll be blindsided.

For example - when the youngest goes off to uni, where/who will they come home to?

@cakesandchocolate its not just on you to tell them it’s mostly on their father since he’s the one having the emotional affair which no doubt played a large part in the marriage breakdown.
to be honest if there has been resentment on both sides for a while the kids won’t be that surprised but they will be worried about what it means for them.

they are at the age where they can decide where they go when they are on a break from uni and since you’ve been the default caregiver it will probably be you.