Please help

[Lostandwondering]

Looking for advice, I am in my second marriage, been together 4 years and married for 3. Yes people may think we got married quickly and looking back now I would agree but at the time it felt right, however I no longer want to be married and I don’t know how to bring the subject up with my husband. I am sure he knows there is something up as we have not spoken for 2 days due to the disrespectful way he spoke to me one evening.

Abit of background to the situation, I have 2 children from my first marriage (both late teens), my son does not get on with my husband at all as my husband got very very drunk one evening and he started shouting at me about my ex husband and how horrible he was and my son came down to see what was happening, the situation escalated and my husband tried to hit my son, I stepped in between them. My husband has no recollection of this incident. We split up for 1 week after this.

Fast forward 18 months to present time and I just can’t take things anymore. He does nothing around the house (he moved into my house) apart from make a mess and I feel like I have 3 kids to clean up after. I have on numerous occasions raised how I feel with him not helping and he always brings it back to my children not helping. They have chores to do but why should they tidy up after him.

Every Friday and Saturday night he will sit and drink beers which bothers me as I am not a drinker and he knows this, however as soon as he is in from work the first thing he does is open a beer. He knows how I feel about the drinking but still does it and if I say anything he just rolls his eyes.

He mentioned last weekend that he had no tolerance for people now and I know that includes my children, I constantly feel on edge and it is getting me down.

I know some people may think these things are trivial but I just feel so down to the point I didn’t want to come home from work this week and I have never felt like that. I don’t know how to tell him that I want to separate as I know he has no where to go and I feel bad for that but this is wearing me down.

I think you know it’s time to call it a day and your kids will support you as they know they are being blamed for the mess when it is and in their own home too it’s just unacceptable.
Will he pack up and leave?

Yeah I know he will leave and I feel guilty for him having no where to go. I just don’t know how to bring the topic up and I am constantly on edge and full of anxiety about it

Please don’t feel anxious about taking control and finishing it. Short marriage so hopefully relatively clean asset wise. Just say this isn’t working and you want a divorce. Your DC will be supportive.

I did it, I spoke to him this afternoon and told him how I feel, he was cold, he wouldn’t get upset and said he had to be like that as he is a person who just deals with it differently, I guess I wanted some sort of emotion from him but there was nothing. He packed most of his things and left, with parting words of I hope you will all be happy but in a sarcastic tone.

We had each others locations shared on our phones and he had switched this off, his words were I don’t want you watching my every move. I had no intention and never did that when we were together.

I don’t know how I feel about it now, I guess kind of numb, I have not told my children yet I am trying to find the right words for that.

Well done op, I was just about to say you got this, you have to do it.

as your children will be delighted, I wouldn’t worry about which words you use.

Well done OP you should be really proud of yourself but of course a lot has happened.

Telling the kids will probably mean you start to feel the relief of being able to get out of this situation you’ve been in.

if you have a chance get some paper and a pen or do it on a notes app on your phone and write down why you decided to end it. Because even when you’re left someone who’s horrible you’ll still have days when you question yourself. When you do question yourself look at that list for affirmation.

Well done you !! Take your life back