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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Not good enough to stay, not bad enough to leave

27 replies

WhatIsAScottishEgg · 26/10/2025 10:13

I know. Such a cliche. I'm fundamentally unhappy, cannot see a way that it will get better despite him being a good guy who clearly loves me. We will both be ok financially although I'm the higher earner so will look to buy him out. We have one child who is 9. Is it ever ok to leave a marriage and ruin everyone's lives just because you're not happy?

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 31/10/2025 18:24

Blueuggboots · 30/10/2025 08:23

@LittleBearPad- so she’s supposed to stay and just be miserable? Wow.

No but it’s not necessarily clear it’s her marriage making her unhappy. It’s worth figuring things out properly and seeing if they can be fixed before walking out.

EastLifer · 21/11/2025 21:42

WhatIsAScottishEgg · 27/10/2025 12:10

Thank you so much. For background, I lost my Dad ten years ago and my Mum two years ago. The latter being a huge loss and one I haven't even began to deal with. I have the "big" job and work a lot of hours yet still do probably 70% around the home and the majority of the mental load. I am 46 so smack bang in the middle of perimenopause. Our sex life has always been unfulfilling (PE) and now I avoid it. I don't feel physically or emotionally connected to him, yet he IS a great friend. After reading this yesterday I've really taken some time to think about next steps and how I can work on myself to make sure I am making the right decisions. I am going to book an appointment with my GP to look at HRT and also look at some counselling through work to address some of the issues around my Mum passing.

Just to say I could have written your post (but have two kids). I did all the things, got the HRT, did a years worth of monthly couples counselling, got new family hobbies, tried to add in more 1:1 time, my dad died 20 years. Mum died 5 years ago. I just kept coming back to the same thing, is this as good as it gets? Can I live with not knowing if I could be truly happy? Luckily my husband has come to the same conclusion and while it’s early days, we’re both really sad, but it’s amicable.

I do feel like we can say we really, really tried, but it didn’t make the decision any easier and I would have stayed for the kids no doubt but the therapist helped us realise we deserve to be happy for ourselves not just for our kids.

Good luck!

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