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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Ex partner and his family making life a misery

10 replies

MummyBear333 · 22/10/2025 12:00

Hi im new to this so going to try keep it short if possible. Going through a hard time and hoping i can speak to anyone going through similar and any advice welcome ❤️

I have separated from my children’s father in February this year. Due to domestic violence. The criminal case has not yet been but we are currently going through family courts. We will be starting the contact center next week so he can have 1 hour weekly supervised visits.

He has not seen the children since February when we separated. The child’s witnessed the abuse. He has made no attempt to communicate with the children during this time. My eldest is 12 and a type 1 diabetic. He has a mobile etc and dad has his number. He got nothing for the children’s birthdays not even a card or happy he birthday text. His family have not spoken to me or the children since February either. His mother had called the police on me when we separated and said I was starving and neglecting the children. This was investigated and police showed up to check my cupboards and the children at 11pm at night.
his mother has called social services on me and when they came out to check and everything was dismissed she put 5 complaints into social services to say they weren’t doing their job properly. His whole family have made out that I’m a horrible liar who’s trying to destroy his reputation.
he has been charged and has bail conditions that he can’t contact me or approach me or come anywhere near where I live. I have since moved so he doesn’t know my location.
before he was arrested he wrote a suicide note on the back of the children’s painting that were on the fridge.
we are now going through the court process so he can have some type of contact and he is still making malicious accusations against me to his lawyer. Telling him he never got the kids anything because I would take them and not give the children them. He has now agreed to give the children gifts but wants them back when he has them.
his mother has made accusations that I’m an alcholic and on drugs.
I feel so dragged down. It’s so hard going through everything myself and having limited support whilst looking after my 12 year old and a 2 and 3 year old.
im having nightmares every night that they are going to take my children from me or murder me.
even after all this time they are still trying to attack me in different ways.
he has said there was never any abuse atall and tbat actually I was abusing him verbally and have given him ptsd.
when he was charged a neighbour had called the police because of the shouting and screaming and the police could see the marks all over my body so I had to tell them what had happened. They took photographic evidence, his suicide not and all the abusive texts and voicemails he had been sending me. Also the neighbours statements and my eldest child’s.
they have reports from the social workers after I was invested mainly because there had been domestic violence around the children but also because they had to investigate his mothers lies. I have reports from the school, the diabetes clinic the health visitors all to say that I am a good mum and there was never any cause for concern other than his domestic abuse charges.
mom so sick and tired of all these horrible lies being made against me from him and his family I just wish it would all stop. And we could just be civil and co parent separately once he can get help for his issues.
my eldest child is refusing to go to contact center which is understandable. The 2 babies are desperate to see their father off course they dont fully understand. Anyone ever been through or going through anything similar please reach out ❤️

OP posts:
MummyBear333 · 22/10/2025 12:06

Also to add we were together for 13 years, the abuse started 1 year before we separated.

OP posts:
Whereismyfleeceblanket · 22/10/2025 12:09

Block him and him family. Contact via solicitor only. At 12 your dc will be heard.... Do you think he can hold his behaviour at a contact centre? Give a man enough rope op. Comply with the arrangements to take the dc there. Do not engage with him at all. The staff will record how everything goes..

Igmum · 22/10/2025 12:24

So sorry you are going through this and yes, my ex’s family loved me as long as I shut up and took the beatings. The moment I spoke up they were vile and told lie after lie. Keep the records. Keep your address secret. There are now apps to facilitate contact - communicate only through them. Good luck. It’s awful but so much better for your kids and for you.

MummyBear333 · 22/10/2025 16:04

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 22/10/2025 12:09

Block him and him family. Contact via solicitor only. At 12 your dc will be heard.... Do you think he can hold his behaviour at a contact centre? Give a man enough rope op. Comply with the arrangements to take the dc there. Do not engage with him at all. The staff will record how everything goes..

Thank you for replying. All contact is through solicitors. He still digs his nails in through them. We had a child welfare reporter who spoke with myself and professionals on my side who gave statements and all his family gave their statements on his side. They said some horrible things about me and how much of a delight he is. But you’re right he will most likely mess up in the contact center. I won’t be there I’ll be coming after he gets there dropping of kids and then leaving before he leaves as to not have any contact. I’m terrified of him and what he’s capable of.
its supposed to be a report by the contact center after 6 visits, his lawyer is asking them to do a report after 3. I’ve contacted the staff at contact center and asked if they will do it properly and keep their promise despite what his lawyers wishes are.
❤️

OP posts:
MummyBear333 · 22/10/2025 16:36

Igmum · 22/10/2025 12:24

So sorry you are going through this and yes, my ex’s family loved me as long as I shut up and took the beatings. The moment I spoke up they were vile and told lie after lie. Keep the records. Keep your address secret. There are now apps to facilitate contact - communicate only through them. Good luck. It’s awful but so much better for your kids and for you.

It’s just terrible that some people are wired this way. I get it family is family etc but to just deny everything without even acknowledging us and the children are the ones who suffer. I’m glad they’re gone. Just wonder when the courts will decide to give him unsupervised contact. I can’t handle the children being around a family that would rather see them in care than admit their son was at fault. Hope your okay now ❤️

OP posts:
Igmum · 22/10/2025 16:43

Thanks Mummybear, we are ok now because my daughter got to the age when the court would actually listen to her and started refusing to go. We had an awful few years before that. He tried a bit of stalking then simply lost interest and we haven't heard from him for years - thank heavens. And yes, no Christmas presents, no birthday presents, nothing.

JollyFawn · 23/10/2025 08:21

MummyBear333 · 22/10/2025 12:00

Hi im new to this so going to try keep it short if possible. Going through a hard time and hoping i can speak to anyone going through similar and any advice welcome ❤️

I have separated from my children’s father in February this year. Due to domestic violence. The criminal case has not yet been but we are currently going through family courts. We will be starting the contact center next week so he can have 1 hour weekly supervised visits.

He has not seen the children since February when we separated. The child’s witnessed the abuse. He has made no attempt to communicate with the children during this time. My eldest is 12 and a type 1 diabetic. He has a mobile etc and dad has his number. He got nothing for the children’s birthdays not even a card or happy he birthday text. His family have not spoken to me or the children since February either. His mother had called the police on me when we separated and said I was starving and neglecting the children. This was investigated and police showed up to check my cupboards and the children at 11pm at night.
his mother has called social services on me and when they came out to check and everything was dismissed she put 5 complaints into social services to say they weren’t doing their job properly. His whole family have made out that I’m a horrible liar who’s trying to destroy his reputation.
he has been charged and has bail conditions that he can’t contact me or approach me or come anywhere near where I live. I have since moved so he doesn’t know my location.
before he was arrested he wrote a suicide note on the back of the children’s painting that were on the fridge.
we are now going through the court process so he can have some type of contact and he is still making malicious accusations against me to his lawyer. Telling him he never got the kids anything because I would take them and not give the children them. He has now agreed to give the children gifts but wants them back when he has them.
his mother has made accusations that I’m an alcholic and on drugs.
I feel so dragged down. It’s so hard going through everything myself and having limited support whilst looking after my 12 year old and a 2 and 3 year old.
im having nightmares every night that they are going to take my children from me or murder me.
even after all this time they are still trying to attack me in different ways.
he has said there was never any abuse atall and tbat actually I was abusing him verbally and have given him ptsd.
when he was charged a neighbour had called the police because of the shouting and screaming and the police could see the marks all over my body so I had to tell them what had happened. They took photographic evidence, his suicide not and all the abusive texts and voicemails he had been sending me. Also the neighbours statements and my eldest child’s.
they have reports from the social workers after I was invested mainly because there had been domestic violence around the children but also because they had to investigate his mothers lies. I have reports from the school, the diabetes clinic the health visitors all to say that I am a good mum and there was never any cause for concern other than his domestic abuse charges.
mom so sick and tired of all these horrible lies being made against me from him and his family I just wish it would all stop. And we could just be civil and co parent separately once he can get help for his issues.
my eldest child is refusing to go to contact center which is understandable. The 2 babies are desperate to see their father off course they dont fully understand. Anyone ever been through or going through anything similar please reach out ❤️

I apologize that you are experiencing this - it sounds very heavy! You're doing the right thing to keep a record of everything (texts, police reports, social services visits) - it will be all worth it when you get to court! It’s normal for your eldest son to not want contact yet. Children who have witnessed abuse take time to feel safe, and the Court will want to consider their view.

Lean on your support networks - charities for domestic abuse (e.g., Refuge, Woman's Aid) will offer, advice, safety and emotional support. Consider counselling for yourself and your children to help with trauma and nightmares.

Focus on keeping your children safe, listening to their needs, and contacting professionals instead of managing your ex or his family by yourself. You are not alone, and it’s a priority to think about what’s best for your family’s wellbeing.

You are strong, and you deserve to ask for help ❤️.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 23/10/2025 09:05

Remember his solicitor is just a puppet. Writing whatever his hand demands. They hold no power at all.
Exh's solicitors demanded I remove my new blinds as he could no longer see into my home.. Oddly the judge ignored the demand.
Stay strong.

CornishTiger · 23/10/2025 09:15

Firstly the new ruling yesterday is the start of a shift towards abusive fathers not being able to continue the abuse.

Is he still denying the abuse? Has practice direction 12J been invoked.

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/children-and-the-law-domestic-violence-and-practice-direction-12j-digital.pdf

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/children-and-the-law-domestic-violence-and-practice-direction-12j-digital.pdf

superplumb · 23/10/2025 15:49

CornishTiger · 23/10/2025 09:15

Firstly the new ruling yesterday is the start of a shift towards abusive fathers not being able to continue the abuse.

Is he still denying the abuse? Has practice direction 12J been invoked.

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/children-and-the-law-domestic-violence-and-practice-direction-12j-digital.pdf

I was just goijg to say the same.
Op just block them all, cancel all contact. Speak to womens aid for advice.

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