Likelihood of shared Access

[Wisdomofcrowd]

I wonder if I have an email from my husband saying that he wants to be removed from the children's birth certificates and not be involved this would reduce the likelihood of him getting access.

We have been separated for three years plus and he hasn't asked for contact now for nearly that long.

There was unproven DV although police were called once by members of the public for him threatening me in a public space and he uses cannabis and now I'm told harder drugs.

I left him as he just escalated to being physical with me. He hasn't paid CSA I know that is a separate matter.

I know usually co-parenting is favoured but he wasn't ever responsible for meals, laundry, school runs anything normal and was actually hostile to other parents. He was very paranoid.

I know I'm hugely at fault for staying so long. I justified everything by the hard childhood he had had. Then if I was there I could be sure the children were in a garden whilst he blew the cannabis smoke everywhere etc or I could try and soften his rage... But my question is if he suddenly wanted parental access again what is the likelihood?

Absolutely nothing is evidenced apart from crime number but I didn't prosecute because I didn't want to harm his future prospects. He was verbally inappropriate to the children and reckless driving but not physical to them.

Also children have EHCPs for ADHD and autism and need stability and I have been on numerous parenting courses to support their special needs but he hasn't.

Thank you.

Sounds like he wants to avoid paying CM. It also sounds like its very unlikely he will seek to spend time with his children.

If he's never asked for contact in the last three years it's very unlikely that he'll suddenly want it. Do you have any reason to think he will? I'd try to stop worrying about this OP.

Because I now want to divorce him. I don't want anything financially from him just a clean break.

I think you need to speak to a family solicitor because the children cannot be avoided. However it’s unlikely, from what you say, that he will be involved with dc but you should consult on how to maintain the current position, if that’s possible.

If he asks for access and contact he’ll get it.

A clean break in divorce means finances only - they are split so there are no ongoing links between the parties. Children matters are dealt with separately.

I don't believe he can be removed from their birth certificates - this is a statement of fact. He could have his parental responsibility removed but again this would be terribly complex.

Your poor kids. What a crap father.

It is completely understandable to be concerned about this issue. Courts typically do start with the assumption that children benefit from contact with both parents, but the primary consideration will be the children's welfare. They will take your ex's violence, substance abuse, and lack of involvement into account, even if he was not charged for specific incidents.

You have been the children's primary caregiver, provided support with their ADHD and autism, and offered stability - courts would see value in the continuity of care. All of this, combined with supporting evidence relating to your ability to safely and responsibly parent the children, your awareness of the children's needs, and your ex's long absence pose a strong position.

Even if your ex applies for contact, the court may restrict it or supervise contact for the safety of the children. Seeking advice from a family solicitor or a Cafcass adviser will help to clarify your options and your opportunities to protect the safety and welfare of the children.

Look OP my ex hadn’t seen DD or contributed anything for 13 years. I still had to go to court for a CAO and she was desperate to change her name so we went to family court for a variety of reasons. They are very reluctant to remove parental responsibility even if the father is in prison for example or no contact. I would get legal advice on the best course of action.

Parental responsibility is conferred at birth if on birth cert. Contact is another matter.

In your post you are referring to 2 different things. One is his request to have parental responsibility removed. The second is whether he could have access to the children.

In terms of removing parental responsibility, this is very hard to achieve and needs to be done legally via the courts. It is extremely rare for the courts to agree to it. The circumstances would need to be the shit, neglectful and useless parent you describe. My first reaction would be to tell him to apply for this himself and tell him you won’t get in the way.

In terms of him wanting access he could request this. Presumably you would raise safeguarding concerns when he does. That would immediately trigger investigations and reports about his parenting and your parenting. At a minimum he will be given limited contact. Which could be as basic as communicating with them by letter. But is likely to lead to a build up of contact over time which would involve periods of supervised contact. This would all be set out in a child arrangement order. The benefit of which would be to give you legal rights to make autonomous decisions. For example taking the children on holiday without seeking his permission. Making decisions about schools and healthcare.

Without a Child arrangement order you can still do these things. The risk is that the other parent interferes or intervenes. But many parents just crack on with their life in the certain knowledge that the deadbeat neither knows or cares what you do. If you go down this route it is advisable not to plaster your plans all over social media or to gossiping mutual acquaintances.