Coparenting issues / coparenting communication

[cluelessFTMhere]

Hi all, I need some advice regarding coparenting issues with my ex partner. Myself and ex partner split about a year ago out of his own choice. Since then our relationship as coparents has been up and down. My ex moved on extremely quickly after the break up to someone he met towards the end of our relationship
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Out of his own choice he kept his new relationship a secret from everyone in his life but during this time was very unpredictable with having our DS on his arranged days, this left him asking to change days last minute or missing out on time with our child to spend time with his GF. once again as much as possible I tried to brush this under the carpet and keep going for our child.

our relationship since then has been back and forth with constant hope that things might work out between us but it’s always been false promises. His new partner has been pushing to meet our child and I have set boundaries in place for this to happen but the communication between all 3 parties has become very difficult so I’ve tried to arrange going forward using a coparenting calendar which records phone calls and can be messaged on to keep the communication from going through other family members and prevent the situation from becoming even more toxic.

he is now refusing to download the app to communicate and on his days with our son he’s refusing to communicate through family members to update me on our child. How can I go about this situation? It’s so difficult as none of this has been my decision to begin with and I’m trying my best to keep the situation as civil as possible for my DS even given the stress I’m being put through.
any advice I would appreciate hugely going forward as my life has felt like hell for the last year and can’t go on like this any longer

I think you need to let go a bit, and work on really accepting that the relationship is over and that he has a new partner.

I don’t think that you can make him update you during his time with your DC. It’s his DC too, and unless you have safeguarding concerns, you’ll have to trust that your DC is ok and with their dad.

You also can’t stop your ex from introducing his partner.

It would honestly make you feel better to let go off these battles.

I agree with this.
Focus on him letting your son down by cancelling plans though, that's not on.

I have let go of the relationship being over and am moving on and trying my best to keep as good of a relationship as possible. I’ve also suggested for our DC to meet his new partner as his partner has been trying to push for this to happen.

my issue is more the communication as he expects communication when he’s nkt with our DC however doesn’t then return any update when our DC is in his care. It’s a simple check in of ‘how is he’

It sounds very stressful! Using a co-parenting app is an excellent idea because it keeps written documentation of everything between the two of you, which helps reduce misunderstandings. Since he is refusing to communicate through the app or family, stick to communicating in writing like through texts or email for a written record of communication.

Also, consider mediation and/or possibly formalizing this through family court if there is not any change or improvement in communication. This is not about punishing him; it's about establishing stability in your son's life. While working through these parenting issues, you can also remain firm about established boundaries: any changes in child-related arrangements to be agreed in writing, and don't get caught up in the adult drama but focus on keeping things consistent for your child.

When all else fails, as time passes, keeping the communication child-centered, documented, and predictable will help reduce some stress for you and your son.