Separating - how did you manage it all? House sale, finances, feeling terrified.

[Anniesworld]

Hi everyone, this is my first post, I'm so glad this community exists!

I'm separating from my partner of 15 years, we own a house together. It was more his decision than mine. I was initially devastated but I am gradually adjusting emotionally and psychologically. We are still living together, luckily the house is big enough that we can keep our lives fairly separate but it's still tough. He's flatly refusing to move out, and I couldn't afford the mortgage on my own. The house is on the market but we haven't had a suitable offer yet.

I'm really anxious about moving, and how to co-ordinate the sale of the house with finding a place on my own. My ex wants to buy his own place, so sell this place and buy a place for himself at the same time. I'd ideally like to do that too but I think both of us trying to sell and buy at the same time will be a nightmare in terms of chains and put a lot of potential buyers off. So I'm contemplating renting when we sell, but stressing about how to line it all up so I have somewhere to move to when this place sells. I don't really have any family I can move in with.

Has anyone been in the same boat, and how did you do it? The emotional pain has been awful, but now the main thing on my mind is the anxiety about ending up without a place to live.

Have you already finalised how the money will be split from the house sale? Can you buy outright with it or has he sorted his own mortgage already?

If they’re partners not husband /wife then the deeds will determine the equity split

thetes no right or wrong answer here, it can be ok to coordinate two purchases within the chain. Equally renting for a year might be the right thing in that it buys you time to u derstabd what you want, recover, settle etc and prices are not likely to increase in that time so you’re not going to lose out being off the ladder. Also being a chain free buyer in a year or whenever should put you in a strong bargaining position on price when you do want to buy. You can stick any monies in a high interest account

Thanks guys. We've got a financial agreement about how the money is split, I can't afford to buy him out sadly. I'm anxious about finding a suitable place to rent and coordinating that with the sale, but I guess people manage it all the time. I'm aware a lot of landlords want someone for a long term let so that's playing on my mind too, I'd be renting as a fairly short term option whilst I look for a place to buy. It sounds like it is potentially doable for both of us to buy at the same time as selling, that would in many ways be preferable, I'd prefer to buy rather than having to move twice.

I would focus on finding somewhere to buy rather than rent to be honest OP, otherwise you’ll just have more hassle down the road plus the added expense of renting.

@Anniesworld I’m in the same position as you. Can’t decide whether to buy straight away or rent. The thought of coordinating 2 purchases and a sale blows my mind. Think I’ll end up renting or moving in with sibling. Worried about not having somewhere for adult son when house sale goes through and him having to move in with STBXH short term. Lots to consider but I’m sure it’ll work out for us both. Good luck x

I'd have a look on spareroom.com. They are basically house shares that you generally don't need a reference for as you are just a tenant . I let rooms to other people in my house using this

Thanks everyone. I've used spare room in the past, I'd prefer to rent on my own but if it came to it I could share for a bit. My fear is having nowhere to live but that's not likely.

Sending you hugs and comfort MissmyoldLab. I'm really sorry you're in this position but it's also kind of comforting to know someone else is going through a similar thing. I'm finding it all pretty disorientating and frightening. We'll get there, I'm thinking of you xx

@Anniesworld you can move out and rent your own place whenever you like and don’t have to wait for the sale to go through? He just keeps living there until that happens and if he’s willing to cover the mortgage since he will be occupying the house and the bills for the same reason then you’re free to just move out?

I can't afford to rent on my own long term, rents are ridiculous where I live. I'm trying to increase my hours at work which might make it more doable. I could share, but I would only want to do that for a relatively short period of time. I think previously I've been reluctant to leave because I hadn't fully accepted the situation, now I think it's more down to cost. But you're right I don't need to wait until the sale actually happens, once an offer is accepted I can leave at that point.

The issue with trying to buy something as soon as you have a buyer for your house is that you may feel pressurised to make more compromises on what you buy, depending on what’s available on the market at the time. I would consider renting a nice room in a shared house and putting my belongings in storage. It’s not ideal but it’s a short term solution. Cheaper than renting an entire property and you are not stuck with a 12/24 months tenancy in case you do find something to buy soon.

Be strong. Whenever I am too scared to take action I imagine standing on the side of a pool and knowing that I HAVE to jump in. Once I jump, there’s no going back, not physically possible even if I wanted to so no point even thinking about another option.
So jump!

I currently have my house on the market while mid separation. Our aim is to both buy straight after and make it a seamless move, but I know it may not happen so I'm mentally preparing for different outcomes. It all comes down to how long a gap it would be. If my next home wasn't ready for a few days then a hotel might work, air bnb if it was a longer. You can pay more to the moving company to store your furniture, or deliver it to a storage locker for a period of time too. We are in Scotland, so the whole process is tied in much earlier than in England

Currently still both living at home, its fairly amicable, but I feel so trapped and am desperate to sell so I can move on, it feels like I have no control over my own life at the moment

Thanks IsThisLifeNow (love the name), there must be many of us in this position, so much uncertainty. I would need to put furniture into storage if I end up renting, it's useful to know the removal company can organise it. It's all so bl**dy difficult and stressful, I just want to run away and pretend it's not happening.