I am the primary carer, and I pay considerably more towards our expenses/mortgage and our children. I pay for holidays, any meals out, etc.
Fed up of arguing constantly and generally not getting along with each other and have become increasingly resentful of the pressure to earn - I imagined we would take up the slack for the other at various times in our lives but it's ALWAYS me taking up the slack. He can be aggressive (not violent to me/children but gets really vile at times but is general low level unfriendly and nitpicks everything, nothing ever done right etc). Been going on for years and am just very very sad and tired at this point - we live in same house but it's just excruciating, we barely speak to each other, go to bed at different times. He regularly says to children he'd like his own room. On holiday when asked by one of our children if we wanted a photo together, he said "no thanks." So it's really just a v unhappy marriage and terrible example. I feel like it's obvious to children I am not happy (one said "do you love him? REALLY?" recently.) I also feel like I deserve more - I don't want to be 'looked after' by OH, but I want to be equal and deserve happiness. Of course I put my children first and if I thought it best for them for us to stay together, I would do so - but I do not think this environment is healthy for ANYONE. They remark that we bicker constantly, tell us to stop it, etc. I wish we could fix it but it has been YEARS - there's always been some 'thing' that I hoped would magically change things - like his going back to work, or getting a better job, or finishing his retraining. But nothing changes.
My OH did not work for 2 years when our first child was born, because he was on minimum wage so he took care of child. We then moved to be nearer to family who helped and then OH could work. Since then OH has worked in low paying jobs but recently retrained so has potential to earn more now - yet even when he does, he contributes less than a third of our monthly outgoings. He was able to retrain because of his low financial contributions - there's no way I could afford to retrain. He should be applying for permanent jobs but is doing short term work and not applying for permanent things.
Child now 17. We have 2 more - 14 and 11. My parents helped us with house purchase (not rich) and renovation projects.
Feel absolutely fed up of living in an unhappy house and would love to be by myself with my children.
Am terrified he will get 50% of essentially my parents money. Is this how it works??? I feel like such an idiot for getting myself into this situation (was so obvious, looking back - married far too young) and don't see how I can extricate myself. (I don't earn lots, though judging by online calculators it looks like UC would give me about the same - if not more - than what OH does each month.)