Custody

[TheTwinklyMoose]

I'll keep it short my ex has a child abduction notice when he was 20 and the child was 15 he has a child of his own that has a child in need plan and he has severe adhd and gets angry and hits doors. and smokes weed before bed. He's made 2 false allegations to social services which i was cleared and the case was closed what's the likelihood of him getting custody of our shared child
Our child is 2 i have a supportive family and I work part time with substantial savings our child is now sleeping through the night and potty training, goes to multiple groups and is settled with a strong bond to me and family members.

are you and your ex married @TheTwinklyMoose ?

No not married

If he applies to courts to have involvement in his child’s life it will be facilitated by a suitable arrangement that takes account of safeguarding concerns and puts in place risk mitigations and reduction measures. These could include the need for drug testing and supervised contact.

It is incredibly rare for courts to severe all contact and to end parental responsibilities.

That being said, a lot of parents can make noise about wanting contact but very little effort in complying with processes and conditions to make it happen. These will be time consuming and expensive and stressful.

There is no good time for a child to go through that but the less likely to be actively involved at toddler stage.

I would imagine the courts would allow him shared custody based on what you have written about him. The threshold for not doing so is incredibly high (which is worthy of a whole other thread).

Is he seeking 50/50 because that’s likely to be the starting point and then you can go from there about why you don’t feel that’s suitable eg your child’s age, your ex’s health etc.

I’m not sure how a 20 year old can have a 15 year old?

what proof do you have if any of the weed smoking.

what relationship does ex have with your two year old now?

you’d be better off working with him if possible via mediation as it’s quite likely he would get some overnights if he went to court - if you work with him you can stay in control and take things slow and gently like give him supervised or community contact in a safe place first, see if he sticks to that etc. How close does your son live to you?

It’s good that you’re not married.
is he named on the birth certificate?

the emphasis would be on him to apply for a child arrangement order through the family court. He would need a solicitor for that to happen and the means to pay for that.

The court acts with the child’s best interest at heart and if you raise that your ex takes drugs for example then that can be raised and he would be asked to have drug testing.

@TheTwinklyMoose I know you’re scared. Perhaps he has threatened you with the custody and because he raised those cases to you that were dismissed this has made you very scared and very anxious. You don’t want your child to have to go there and be there without you.

if you agree a contact arrangement informally then he doesn’t have to do any of the court stuff or get a solicitor and usually I am not in favour of going to court but it sounds like to me court could actually protect you and your child and the informal arrangement wouldn’t. You will need to get yourself a solicitor and be clear about what you want the outcome to be. Courts usually do give contact to the other parent and there is mediation too and what you need is for the ex to perhaps see the child in a supervised environment and not have him overnight.

I hope someone comes along with more real life experience or advice for you.