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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Non cohabitation agreement need for estranged husband who's homeless`

3 replies

ej8888 · 14/10/2025 19:24

I left my husband under difficult circumstances in Europe, got custody and came back with my son in 2021 with nothing and started over. I have a rental and the husband chose to stay because "he didn't do anything wrong" and he "wasn't prepared to sell the joint home when I wanted to, as it would be worth more later." I paid £20000 rent last year, working full time and living with my son.I told husband that I couldn't afford to divorce him and force house sale but I would persue child maintenance (4 years' worth) through the REMO agreement - free Govt services. So he was saying for a long time that he would come back when he had everything in order, but bumming around working odd jobs, living hand to mouth with his toxic friends for company and generally being ignorant and in denial. (We had visited 4 times in 2023-2024 but it was pointless and unaffordable so I had ceased visits and he had overstayed his VISA and not visited my son.) About 10 days ago I suddenly got a text saying he's left the European country he was in sharpish because he thought he was in trouble with the law but was cofused what for. (He had never done anything wrong, again, and though it mihht be overchild maintenance which I doubted.) He asked to stay with us. His family don't want him, and at his best he is charming, cooks and cleans,but at his worst drinks and makes 'great new friends' who always end up being weird. He is a terrible provider and was gifted a house by relatives. My son is thrilled he is back, having suffered low self esteem and he has ADD and ASD so is a bit vulnerable. I am wondering whether I can get a legal document, that Chat GPT calls a non cohabitation non financial responsibility order, while my husband looks for work and enjoys sleepovers with his son. He is probably using me and I am staying very neutral as I feel he and I have drifted apart and nothing short of a personality transplant will allow him to change. He probably doesn't love me anymore and I find him stressful because of his unpredictable nature (undiagnosed ADHD, Aspergers and narcistic traits.) Has anyone done the non cohabitation order? I do not want to support him and couldn't afford to pay him alimony. He is unpredictable and difficult and resentment is an art form for him. I do want him to finally sell the house in Europe and don't want him to run off without achieving this, but I don't want him to think he can name his game, and also don't 100% trust him. I called the L@whive service (edited for copyright etc) and they said it was beyong their expertise!

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 14/10/2025 19:38

Honestly - tell him to sod off and find his own accommodation! Please do not put your child in the position of having to live with such a challenging father!

Dunnocantthinkofone · 14/10/2025 19:41

Jeez, what the hell are you thinking letting him stay with you? It’s completely and utterly inappropriate, massively unfair to your child and to put it bluntly, a bloody insane thing to do

bosqueverde · 15/10/2025 11:03

From your description, he won't do any of the things you hope (sort out accommodation, not drag you and son in trouble, sell the house) unless he has no choice.

It's up to you whether you help, but

  1. Leave him no wriggle room to escape responsibility
  2. If he is alcoholic, he'll only act after hitting rock bottom. His rock bottom, not yours.

I recommend al-anon (alcoholics anonymous for near ones of alcoholics) and al-ateen (same for teenagers) to share experiences andcontinue thinking this through.

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