Ex reducing contact

[jackowako]

I have been separated from my ex for three years . We weren’t married .
I have 2 kids who i take 3 week nights one week, 3 weeknights and one saturday over night the next .
I received a solicitor letter on friday stating ex wishes to reduce contact to give the children a better routine.
She now wants me to pick kids up as normal week days, feed, bath them and drop them back 8pm then take them friday -sunday
week two take them two night during the week.
This has came out of the blue this has been the routine from they were babies .
My ex knows i work friday and sunday evenings.
Can she do this ?

that doesn't sound liek a great routine for the kids. Every weekend with you. Afternoons with you then back hom? And of course it doesn't work for your schedule. And technically you'd be doing fewer nights so you'd have to pay CMS.

I think you need to get a solicitor yourself and say no. I'd have thought the fact that the system has worked well for years means that there really is no need to change things. If she wants to change for legitimate reasons, there needs to be a sensible conversation between you.

I think its for cms , now the children are older and sleeping all night she doesnt mind having them overnight during the week. They used to be really bad sleepers. When i asked her about the letter she said its because she wants them to spend more time with her other child . Doesnt say that in the letter and her other child goes to his dads at the weekends so it doesnt make sense

Sounds like it’s maintenance based- you do all the grunt work while she gets overnights.

say no

Say no. Clearly done this to get more maintenance.

Yep. More work for you and more money for her. It’s not making sense so put your foot down.

I think not only put your foot down but counter with either commitment to retain the status quo or more time for you. I would go to court anyway and get a CAO to ensure you have control over the situation.

My solicitor today said it will take around 6 months to go to court and has to go through mediation first. Also he said she can stop contact altogether and theres not much i can do other than wait . This is stressing me out

If i dont agree to what shes proposing .. If i do agree I will lose my job

It seems unlikely she'll stop contact as she clearly wants/needs your involveent. I would formally reply with a suggestion of what you think will be fair/or decline and then continue as you are.

Shes on benefits i found out as the children get free school meals . Does this mean she will get legal aid for court and i will have to pay to maintain the contact iv had for years

It would look extremely bad and no child centred at all if she did that, and would give you a strong argument to show that she can’t coparent isn’t child centred and the children should come and live with you full time.

Only people who have been seeking support from services about domestic abuse get family court legal aid.

Don’t discuss maintenance now, it makes it look like the only reason you are saying no is due to money. You need to stay child centred.
you can write back saying my view is that they are well settled and coping well, and I don’t think a journey at 8pm on a school night is good for them they should be settling down for bed then. However lf course I am open to hearing your views. Please could you explain more about why you don’t feel the current situation is a good routine, and why your proposal would be better for them? I’d like to keep working together amicable to find a solution that is in our children’s best interest.

then you can also offer to attend mediation.

@Unexpectedlysinglemuminteresting as the reason i left her was domestic abuse.She attacked me twice. I never reported these attacks but there is video evidence.

If you work weekend hours, it’s not possible. Plus, if you suspect that maintenance is a factor, that won’t be available if you lose your job. Her plan makes no sense.

@BrufordIts my second job but i cant afford to lose it.

I’d follow @Unexpectedlysinglemum’s advice. Good luck. 💐

I could understand her wanting 3 nights one week and four nights in a single block the other week. It means fewer change overs for the dcs, and easier to organise weekends away.

But if you can't do Friday nights or Sunday nights, and can't flex, you have to say no.

Perhaps ask to flex your hours but if your boss says no, you can tell her you've tried.

Does look maintenance based. But also, from her POV, the weekends aren't ideal. Very chop-and-changing.

Do you do your half of the school crap, admin, dentist etc.?