DBS check for potential babysitters

[Starbuck80]

I’m 9 months into a separation with my ex with the first stage of the divorce finalised on 5 November. We’re still living together and I can’t afford to move out with the kids and he adamant that he’s staying. I’m a sahm at the moment and cover for him on his days when he has to work, travel etc but a few weeks ago he slipped backwards on the stairs and hurt himself ( he’s claiming a brain injury but the A&E report says minor concussion). The following Saturday he wanted help to look after the children as he felt unwell but I wasn't able to as I was going out. He told me that he’d hire someone off an app that a friend used and I said this wasn’t acceptable as we’d never met them and the kids would be confused. The next day I wake up to the door bell at 9am and he’d hired someone to help him. I took him aside to say it wasn’t acceptable while we were in the same house to bring a random stranger in and that they weren't DBS checked. Fast forward to a email I received from his solicitor today saying that I wasn’t being flexible and that I was unreasonable for requiring a babysitter from a ‘reputable app’ to be DBS checked.

Would you consider it unreasonable for me to ask for this? I signed off on the future use of the babysitter he used before but said that they’d need a DBS check.

I get why you’d want that, but it’s not in any way legally enforceable. You’re separated, albeit living in the same house, he is in charge of what he does with his time.

If it’s sitters for example, they have information on dbs checks on their website. As pp says it’s not a legal requirement. https://www.sitters.co.uk/blog/do-i-need-to-dbs-check-previously-crb-my-babysitter.aspx#:~:text=Certain%20roles%20are%20not%20yet,both%20nannies%20and%20registered%20babysitters.

It’s not a legal requirement.

you can’t insist on it.

I think that the only level of DBS check that you would be able to ask for would be the most basic one, which only checks for unspent convictions and cautions. It isn't the type of check used for safeguarding children so it wouldn't actually achieve anything.

You cannot dictate how he chooses to look after the children on his own time.

he hired a babysitter from a reputable site. He’s not left them with someone he plucked off the street.

It’s not very realistic because babysitters can’t get their own DBS, their agency would have to get it on their behalf.

So that means the only babysitters you could have would have to be via an agency who does them, and it’s such a transient work that I’d imagine a lot of apps won’t go to this extent.

I don't think you can insist on this, no.

I think you need to sell/let this house go and find some way of living separately asap.

Years ago before DBS was even a thing my husband and I went away with his brother and wife. Both of us had children about the age of 1. We had chalets next to each other. My brother in law asked our waitress if she did babysitting. She said she did. He then suggested we pay her to babysit our children. I remember asking him if he would stop a random stranger on the street and ask them to babysit. He said of course not. I said I couldn’t see the difference. Luckily my husband agreed with me. My sister in law not so much. I found it bizarre. I’m guessing if it’s from an agency they will have carried some checks, but all we knew if this girl was she was an ok waitress.

If would be most usual for a law court to insist that both separated parents were happy with the people chosen to look after the children on the other parent's time. You can suggest that he might want to use a specific babysitting agency, but if he doesn't you have no say.

I can’t imagine this being enforceable. Not really sure what else you expected him to do though, he was unwell and you said no, he didn’t have time to sort anything else…