Does it get better? 5 months on

[anonamum123]

Hi all,
Looking for some reassurance guidance if anyone has any positive stories please?
I’ve been separated for five months, still in the marital home, and after the first few months of feeling really strong, I’m feeling low again. Wondering if I made the wrong decision, for reference my husband cheated on my for a year with a girl half his age, I kept catching him and having awful gut feelings to which he lied, kept giving him chances but he didn’t stop. In the end I had no choice, we have two young children and he is financially much better off than me, so this has been a very difficult decision but there were times where I felt like I was losing my mind in his lies.
Anyway, does this feeling get better? I am a director and work for the business he predominately owns, so I can continue to work with him which feels impossible but the salary is good - or he’ll have to buy me out, I can fly solo completely but I have no idea what I’ll do because my drive/ motivation is at an all time low! How do you find your purpose again at 35? How do people juggle being a single mum, earn a reasonable wage, workout etc and eventually meet another partner… If id stayed maybe he would have stopped in his own time, but I begged, cried and pleaded to which he denied and still continued. Im so resentful that ive supported him for so long and he’s put me in this position… I’m grieving my family and am concerned I’ll never meet a nice man? Maybe the grass isn’t greener.

Help please 💛

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m six months down the line…husband of 17 years walked out ‘depressed’…got with a colleague 9 days later! He says he didn’t leave me for her but like I believe that! Goodness knows what else went on! I cried to everyone I met….couldn't stop…had time off work…I felt awful and lost a lot of weight. It’s an awful feeling and I still feel as if my whole world has been turned upside down. My family torn apart by a man who was one of the ‘good guys’. Just like that. Now, I can’t even look at him. I don’t know who he is anymore.

He left in April, my son’s birthday was in June. At that point, I was able to have him in the house and open presents etc. Now, I couldn’t. He is so cold towards me, has buried his head. Hasn’t dealt with anything. He’s still with her and that hurts me a lot. However, I do feel like I’ve made some progress. The crying has stopped, I’m not ranting and sending texts to him anymore. The hurt never goes away and I think about the whole situation every single day. So it’s definitely not easy, but it has got better and I hope you will also feel a little
better soon.

Any man who can cheat doesn’t deserve you. You are worth so much more, just remember that!

Sending you a big hug x

You deserve better than that, its not love if he does that find a new job love you'll be happy for it

This sounds so awful, I’m really sorry you’re going through this too but glad you’re feeling a little better.

i keep reading that it is a healing process, and one that takes time - i guess because i don’t have financial independence im scared that all of my purpose was in him and our family. Given it’s been taken away from me, i feel like ive lost it all and im starting life again - it’s so unfair.

i don’t think my husbands affair worked out, and almost just as difficult, he was never actually planning to leave me for her.. but he wouldn’t stop. Now he either goes between a business like relationship with me, to crying like a child because he says he’s been going through something. I of course agree he has, but I caught him numerous times and it was like living in a crazy reality, but people have choices and he chose to continue.

you sound strong, and realistic. I’m glad you’re feeling more positive, but awful that someone you trusted with your life and family can be so cruel. I also had one of the ‘good guys’ but on reflection I was pulling all the weight at home, and trying to carry our relationship too. We’d been together 15 years and only married 2, I was still listening to my wedding songs with our children when his affair began - awful.