Hi, I’ve been seperated from my kids dad for a while now and we live apart (kids fully with me as he hasn’t found a place yet ) he works abroad and then comes back on a shift basis but hasn’t been back yet (new job). Anyway, I have been amicable- it was me who broke the relationship up as I was desperately unhappy .
Bit of background- He used to shout/scream at me during arguments - he put cameras around the house (said it was to see if anyone came to door but I’m not so sure now) , he used to drink a lot (I picked him up from a night out once and I was angry at him for clearly taking drugs too as and he was denying he had taken drugs and he got angry punched and smashed the car windscreen while I was driving ) generally most the time he was relaxed but if I started an argument with him it would be loud , punch things like the wall and he would do it in front of the kids. He never hit or hurt me physically though. He once shouted at my daughter “shut your mouth you little bitch” and when she was very little he used to say he wishes she wasn’t born . He didn’t take care of himself and drinks/ate crap all the time too. He also told me that when we first started dating he showed explicit photos of me to all his work colleagues/friends/BROTHERS /random guys in the pub.
anyway I took this for a few years but the thing that took me over the edge was we had gone to a wedding and he had bought me lingerie and expected me after the wedding to wear it and have sex with him. I didn’t want to and he got so angry at me. Eventually I did and regret it completely. He was a drunk mess. I looked at him snoring and thought “ wtf am I doing “. The day after that was the windscreen drama.
I broke up with him a month after (he begged and begged to stay together and said I’d “ruin the kids lives” and that I was selfish) we stayed living together for almost a year until we sold our house . During this time cohabiting I became very sick, stopped eating (on purpose) and I went down from an almost size 10 to a size 6 very fast. Everyone started noticing I looked poorly but I “wasn’t allowed” to tell people we had broken up. Not even my family, which was so difficult.
fast forward to now I’m in a new place. With my kids. Ive finally sorted out my life after doing the whole house move alone without any help from
him (I had to clear a large barn full of his stuff). Im feeling healthier and happier and I’m even dating an amazing man again (which I’m having to keep secret from everyone because I know the kids dad will kick off) he is the most calm , relaxed man I’ve ever met.
the kids dad has started video calling the kids everyday through my daughters ipad. I forget a lot to charge this ipad because I don’t like her using it. When she doesn’t answer he calls my phone wanting to talk to them. At random times. Can be anytime of the day. Usually when I’m super busy with them. I do not mind him calling them every other day or few days but is everyday too excessive??? Sometimes twice a day… he will ask them about their day and about everything they have been upto etc , he asks about me and tries to get my involved in the conversation too which I find uncomfortable
before he got off the phone today he thought I wasn’t in the room and he said to my daughter “ i will call you every morning”
Is he allowed to dictate when he can speak to them? considering I’m the one who broke up the relationship? Mornings are so busy for us trying to get ready for school/nursery. Is everyday a bit excessive? I don’t call them everyday while they are away !
I haven’t asked him for any money either for the kids because I’m the one who broke it up. I feel like if I try to set up a schedule he will get annoyed about it.
But if I had stayed I know I wouldn’t want to exist anymore. How do you guys manage the video call aspect?
Hes also been talking about buying a house a street away from me. I feel like I’m stuck being near him.