Healthcare question for children?

[ILikePizza2025]

Hi. So I been covering my children for healthcare since they were born. Explained to my ex plan going forward. I can purchase private supplement insurance to cover them. Originally offered a compromise to my ex that who covers healthcare for that year claims the taxes wasn't in agreement wanted to split the tax refund, in the US. So thought about things. Reached out explained we rotate which child we claim and same for who covers healthcare. Now waiting a response back from my ex. I lose out on $1,500 for next year. Gain almost $8,500 for the year. Makes up for the decrease in pay this year from the premiums of this year which total of $7,020.

Feel a pretty fair compromise. My ex will gain about $1,300 with the tax refund if you factor in the pay decrease over the next 12 months. Either way if I claimed both children would still be losing with funds.

Does this sound fair?

This is confusing and i decipherable….
Do you het insurance through work? Or self fund?
is there a difference in income
between you - and is there likely to be spousal /child maintenance ?

All of these are relevant questions.

All else being equal - parity in getting tax refund and sharing expenses makes sense.

It's the US. Ex has higher AGI. Through work. Insurance won't cover through work if children already covered. Could claim spousal support this year but didn't. Ex could claim $100-$200 month next year if she wanted to with covering health insurance premiums for the children.

Still not sure why either of you chose to self-fund health insurance if you can get it through corporate insurance as it normally had much better coverage.
Cancel private coverage and whoever has better coverage through work should add the kids to their policy. Presumably - best for the kids. No?
and to simplify.

You case seems complex - hope you have a good lawyer.

It's through the employer. My ex wants to cover them this year. If I wanted to cover my children I would have to buy private insurance. Granted could be at a stalemate with my ex and not budge. I offered two compromises to my ex. One shorting me some extra funds.

Is this the only unresolved issue in your divorce?

It seems that you are overcomplicating the issue, with the purpose of getting some tac benefit.

However - health insurance for the kids is not there (mostly) to provide you with a benefit.

If you wanted to communicate with someone on that - you need to be quite clear on:
…Which policy provides better coverage for the children - the MOST important consideration here
…Financial impact on you and them - being very clear on how your proposal affects them and your settlement

From the top level - it does seem strange to have one spouse buy private health insurance if the other spouse’s job provides it via corporate plan.

It will also inflate your children’s expenses - and potentially lead you to be able to claim higher maintenance from a higher earning spouse.

I always cover the children. Was open to compromising. First compromise was we rotate health insurance and then claim the children to make that money loss up. Then compromised rotating who covers every other year and rotate which child we claim for that tax year.

Look - it’s hard to know with the little details, and without knowing the big picture - what makes sense.

But in divorce - and in negotiations - that argument does not work. What you ‘always did’ does not necessarily matter.
And you continue making it about YOU and your refund.
And even to me - an uninvolved bystander this sounds suspect and confrontational.

That is why I suggested you may want to consider a different way of communicating your proposal - through what is best for children - which coverage
and - being clear that ex will also benefit - or at least won’t lose out by having to pay more elsewhere.

I know these negotiations are eMotional - I have been there. To the extent you can take emotions out and keep to facts - you’ll get through it faster.

The reason I want half of the refund is paid for my ex healthcare this year. Ex makes more than me. I am not asking for child support. As far as health insurance I am open to rotating and sharing information. Want my ex to agree to that. Don't want her covering every year going forward.

I don’t get it, why don’t you want your husband to cover them if he gets insurance from his employer?

Is the cost of covering them for the year equal to the tax refund for the same year? And why aren’t you adjusting your deductions to reduce the tax refund?

Look - OP - you seem to be fixated on the tax refund for you, and on that alone.
You are even suggesting to rotate insurance annually and switch children, insurers, etc. And all to get the refund this year??

All sounds strange, and very YOU-focused.

And you seem to not be considering the impact on the children. Changing insurance is not without cost - if there is any treatment starting on one year, toward the end (god forbid, just talking about worst case here) - and then as you suggest you change who provides insurance - the treatment is affected.

If I were you ex - I'd not accept this proposal that makes it all very complicated - AND most importantly, potentially makes it harder to manage our kids health claims.

You need to get a little less forceful in the way you are trying to push for the solution that you want. And, in addition - this is hardly the only item you are not in agreement on.

I suspect you would get better advice on a US website as such questions don’t tend arise in the UK

Ex wants to be the primary for insurance. Same insurance. I am not the one to change. All I am asking is it fair. Like my ex hasn't responded. Basically it's the same proposal my ex had with the exception that we rotate yearly less vague statement by my ex. Wondering why ex hasn't responded and worried didn't sound fair. Trying to bend all around and negotiate giving more away for me to do what's best for the kiddos. Know probably not the best strategy.

It's impossible to say if it's fair without knowing the details of your financial split. The fairness is not judged on any particular item - but in totality of asset split and how you agreed to share all the children's expences.

How many children are we talking about? Is the issue who will claim the children on their tax return for the year and you’re proposing taking turns each year?

You keep muddling things up with insurance and not sure why. Do you both have 50:50 custody of the children?

Being primary on their insurance has no bearing on the tax return and doesn’t really give any benefits so the decision for insurance should be which of both your insurance has the better coverage and cost for the kids. You can take the costs into consideration when you decide how to split child payments for the children if any.

And your posts seem to be rambling without structure, you need to find a way to have an adult discussion with your ex and sort things out and if you need tk get the courts/lawyers involved then do that.

I just had a look at your post history and you have quite a few posts about the situation with your ex wife, lots of them rambling all over the place. It looks like the relationship with your ex has become hostile and she doesn’t really want to engage with you anymore so you need to sort out a financial and custody agreement legally and stick to it.

I would ignore your repeated messages and requests as well if I was your ex wife.

Ex messaged me first

Not really hostile. Been pretty chill. Ex never really engaged after the split. Message her a few times in the beginning and tried to set up an agreement that was pretty vanilla. Then during the split so far maybe messaged her three times about seeing the children when she was busy with work. Then messaged her three times about the holidays. Once a list custody arrangements for the Summer (carried over to now.) Message her three to four times, two times in response to a message sent me. Then once about vacation after my ex asked me three or four times about vacation. Then in the beginning just gave up asked my ex about her work schedule. Only did that because when married we road mapped our schedule out worked. Took awhile to get use to that not happening anymore. That's really it. Maybe few other times reached out about medical stuff. I stopped giving too much information because my ex changed one appointment I made on my time and then not sure a second time. So I chilled out giving too much details.

Ex reached out wants to split covering the children. Is an extra $240 a month or $120 technically if you split it between the two of us. Torn to take the deal or not.

Also, plan to offer $60 bi-weekly.