Husband sexting another woman

[Nomamaleftbehind]

Hello guys, just feeling a bit isolated at the moment, hence my post. Let me explain…Last week, I was trying to log onto my email account and it went on my husband’s (sometimes it does) as we share the same provider and laptop. In the sender box, I noticed something called ‘Adlov’ which made me a bit suspicious and I had to have a look…It was from a woman saying that she was hoping to hear from him soon on webcam. So I then discovered messages going back to March this year! They are Sexting messages with photos which are as gross as they sound.

Unfortunately, that day my husband was working from home and because I was in shock, I confronted him. He said that his email was hacked and played it down. He also said that he wouldn’t do that to me as I was diagnosed with a skin cancer (a year ago - okay now). I’m afraid that I don’t believe him as my gut is telling me otherwise. We share a 12 year old daughter and I’m worried about the effect on her as I want a divorce. I haven’t told him yet as I need the right timing and to get all my ducks in a row as well. I feel stupid as I trusted the wrong person and we’ve been together for 13 years and married for 4. I don’t think he’ll want to get divorced, so I’m scared of his reaction when I tell him. I was also diagnosed with Sciatica, Fibromyalgia and Autism (Level 1) this year, so health wise it’s been a struggle. Apologies for such a long email, but any advice or words of wisdom wouldn’t go amiss right now, thanks.

hi OP

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

this must all be very raw right now and you'll also be in shock and probably struggle to organise any of your thoughts for a while- this is normal under such horrible circumstances. I'm glad you posted, lots of us on here have experienced breakups and the trauma that inevitably ensues to some degree or another.

I would say to trust your gut as I believe you need to until/if evidence is produced that his email was hacked (unlikely but let's wait and see).

If he is adamant that this is true, just demand to see his phone straightaway (no notice given) and check for photos etc on it - no doubt he took several photos to check his dick looked as 'attractive/big' as possible before sending them to her. I
bet he's saved her pics too so he can have a wank over them whenever he wants - men in these circumstances are very predictable.

You can also check bank statements for anything that you don't recognise - these sites/contact groups mostly do have fees and they'll probably be under some innocuous reference like 'XYZ Holdings Ltd' - not obvious like 'Cheating Twats R Us'.

If you do this (and you don't HAVE to - just if you want to), at least you'll know if your gut was right.

As for the divorce thing - I'd feel the same - 100% marriage would be over ......but you don't have to tell him or DD until you're good and ready and have got legal advice etc. Keep this to yourself and go through the process of ducks in a row before saying anything - it'll just pour fuel onto the issues already happening.

If it helps, when it happened to me I just kept saying to myself that whatever I did or said was an example I was setting to my DC and it helped me to choose better behaviour (well for some of the time!).

Wishing you lots of courage, hugs and remember that this is a very emotional journey you're on and you'll have extreme feelings (good and bad), so please take the time to care for yourself - time out when you need it, connect with family and friends IRL and take hundreds of deep breaths.

You WILL come through this, I promise xx

That's great advice from
@Secondwifenotsecondbest

I just wanted to say I'm truly sorry this has happened to you OP.

hi Op, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hope you're ok (under the circumstances of course!) x

Or you could make him jealous and play at his own gane

Hi Guys,

just a little update here and to say thanks for your brilliant advice which I keep coming back to when strength is needed.

I’ve got the ball rolling as far as starting the divorce process in that I’ve booked a Mediation appointment for myself in 2 weeks (after half term) I’ve managed to keep on civil terms as far as my husband is concerned, but fear that it’s all about to come crashing down because I dropped the divorce bomb today…

He got very defensive and is in complete denial about the Sexting and keeps reiterating that he was hacked which has me questioning myself…Then he said it’s what I wanted anyway and just needed an excuse like this to come along. The problem is that the trust has been broken and I’m having a hard time believing him as he keeps turning the tables on me, so now somehow it’s my fault???

So, what do I do? I’ve told him that I’m still having the Mediation appointment, but he doesn’t think he will, even though initially he agreed to it. Any words of wisdom please 🙏

OP trust your gut. Why on earth would he be ‘hacked’ in this way going back to March? And if so, why didn’t he mention it to you before? Don’t believe his bullshit.

I completely empathise. This was my situation, I took 6 years to leave having found out about an emotional relationship which I am pretty certain was something else.

My ex said if I had done the same, he would have kicked me out. He played me massively, with all sorts sorts of shit coming out of his mouth.

I wish you well with your future decisions.