What would you do?

[Bels12]

Hi I'm new on here and need some advice. A few months ago I discovered my husband was taking cocaine on a regular basis in the house. After much discussion I decided to stay in the marriage (we've been together 20 years) so long as he didn't do it again. He swore he wouldn't and everything was good until the past few weeks when I notice the behavior creeping in again. I've also found numerous photos on his phone of women he's screenshot off Facebook, including various of my best friend in a swimsuit. Today I've confronted him and he lied about using again and he doesn't know why he has the photos. I feel like the trust is gone. I've tried so hard to keep the family going but I'm not strong enough to get through it again. He's blaming me for destroying the family. The children are 18 and 13. He doesn't think it's a valid reason for a divorce and I wanted someone's opinion. Thanks

The other issue is. We have a house and mortgage together and he won't leave and I can't...what do I do?

Hmm. I would be very unhappy in this situation too. Don't let him turn it around trying to blame you...

At a random point I'd probably demand to see his phone if he's not hiding anything

Go and see a solicitor and get some advice. But apart from that, in your place I would be telling him that the marriage is over. Don’t let him gaslight you into believing that you are cause, and please don’t use the children as a reason to stay.

If he is using cocaine regularly and he is using it in the home then he is addicted.
So it's really unrealistic to expect him to just stop doing it. He needs to seek help and if he isn't even acknowledging he has problem then he's not going to do that.

Things will only get worse.

It's not you destroying the family. It's him.

I agree with pp. You should seek legal advice. You need to put your children's welfare and your own as the priority.

Thank you all! I needed to hear that. I'm sat here doubting that's it's "bad enough" to break up the family. I told him the first time I wouldn't put up with it again. He's got into debt with it too. The photos I've found were just the icing on the cake. I felt sick. I definitely need to seek legal advice. He says he doesn't want a divorce and won't agree to it x

I agree when you say there's an addiction. He takes it on his days off, when no one is around and I'm at work and I just don't understand it.

He doesn’t have to agree to a divorce.