Can he stop the money?

[Mini2025]

I’ve been SAHM for 20 years, married same amount of time. DH and breadwinner, never had joint accounts. I don’t know ho much he earns. He gives me an amount every month to pay for food, kids activities, some household stuff, clothes, it’s quite a substantial amount. I couldn’t live without it.

if I initiate a divorce would he just stop the money? How am I supposed to live?

I’ve had a mental and physical breakdown because of the abuse in the relationship and now want him gone. We have two ND children 17 and 14.

he works abroad on and off. Don’t think shared care would work. He’s gone Monday to Thursday every other week.

Please can someone help me? I don’t know what to do or how to start this and I’m so weak. I’ll be going home soon to him again. DD in final year of a levels. Worried about upsetting her. He’s very rude to her though. He’s such a horrible person but he has always given me money.

Can’t you work?

Well of course he probably would stop the money and then you would have to either get a job or claim benefits and claim child maintenance off him for the children but obviously it won’t be as much as you get now I’m guessing as you will need to pay for housing if you move out of the family home .

You need to get some proper advice from a solicitor to see where you stand especially as you don’t know how much he earns . If he’s earning a lot then you might actually be better off than you know .

Ok op, don’t worry, you absolutely do need to end this abuse for the sake of yourself and your children.

if you’re in the Uk, you should be fine, divorce settlements are fair to the sahp.

the first thing to do is see a solicitor and give them all the details.

see if you can stealthily get hold of his finances.

is he employed or self employed?

Mumsnet will help you, there’s plenty of us who’ve been there, just don’t get upset by responses like the first one, there’s support here x

He would have to provide for the children but you only have a minimal number of years left of that with your children's ages. Marital assets would be split, but you'd need to go through the financial order/divorce process for that. I think your first step is getting a job and some DV support.

People will frown on this, but I'd also start my running away fund by hiding some cash out of what you're getting now. But some will call unfairness on that. Personally I think once you abuse someone, that you broke the marriage contract, so essentially fuck him.

Well in theory yes he can just stop paying

yiu could file a suit fir maintenance pending suit which may or not be successful ( and could take time). You could also 1) seek employment 2) claim benefits

ultimately you get a financial settlement based on principles of fairness and depending on what assets there are )which could take years) and as part of that you’d be expected to work

He can stop paying yes. You’d need to claim child maintenance and benefits if eligible and find a job. It won’t be easy but it’s worth it

With your children the ages they are , even being ND I would think you would be ‘ expected ‘by a court to at least work part time , but I’m not an expert

i want to work but not yet. I’m still in hospital. I have a number of autoimmune conditions now probably caused by the stress of the marriage so I’m not sure how much I will be able to cope with even though I’d love to feel strong enough but it’s a catch 22, I’m stuck and low while still around him.

I would be very happy to earn my own money but I have no self esteem after being feeling worthless and criticised for so long.

he’s very successful but as a father he’s been completely absent and as a husband too.

I want to be free. I’m planning to retrain but right now I can’t even walk more than 100 metres without feeling exhausted and needing to rest. Mental health has a very physical aspect to it have discovered sadly.

Oh right , different rules probably apply when you’re unable to work on heath grounds . I hope it all works out for you , but life is way too short to be this unhappy x