Struggling to initiate but need to

[Ashleyupnorth]

Hello,

I have been here before, quite a lot recently. I have sought personal and professional advice and feel separation/divorce is needed. There's been many events over the years of being together (17 years) that have given me the 'ick' or have been inappropriate, in my opinion.

We are fairly amicable right now but what I am struggling with is just firing it all off. I feel its for the best but how do I know for sure? Will I regret it (doubtful). I have experienced a fair amount of trauma over the years, historic to husband so how do I know how I'm reacting isn't a response to this all. One thing I do know is I don't really love him based on how he has been over the years.

Anyone else felt like this or just me?

Have you got a counsellor? I’d highly recommend if you don’t. I am someone who is always trying to get it right or do the best thing…the thing is, we can’t. We just have to do make the best decisions with the information we have available.

Are you happy? If no, what choices do you have? Physically plot out your options if it helps, then pick your path. I felt incredibly overwhelmed when I felt like I didn’t have choices but I always did and they were always justified, even if not making a choice at the moment was my choice!

Thank you. I am on the waiting list for counselling. I don't actually think I need it perse. I am very headstrong, resilient and know the difference between right and wrong. It may be some sort of trauma response as to why I'm finding it difficult to release myself, should of done it a long time ago but I have a DD (age 15).

I’d say if you think you’re having a trauma response and it’s stopping you from doing something then it sounds exactly like you do need counselling. Please don’t think you need to be a mess rocking in the corner to benefit from help.