Help! Seperation and Feeling Overwhelmed!

[Mamorau]

So my husband and I have agreed to seperate. I told him earlier this year I wasn’t happy and we’ve tried to get back on track but in all honesty we’ve just coasted! No massive incident to cause this just a cumlination of small things over the years and me perhaps realising I deserve better/more. I still care for him dearly but I just don’t love him and have that desire for him anymore!

We have 3 kids DB13, DD10 and DB7 and own our home jointly with a mortgage.

As I am the one that instigated this I have found somewhere to live thats suitable for me and the kids. My husband wants to stay in the family home and has said he will buy me out. We have agreed we will coparent the kids 50/50 but haven’t agreed a schedule as yet.

Now this is where I’m feeling overwhelmed!

How do we do all this?!

We have to tell the kids, how?

We have to tell families, again how?

We have to seperate our finances, how?

And then I have to actually move, where do I start?! I feel our house is full to the brim, with what I don’t know just general stuff, but do I just take my personal belonging, clothes etc. and leave him with the rest? Do we split the kids clothes between us so they have clothes in both houses?

I just don’t know where to start and feel totally overwhelmed by it all!

A good starting point would be to read as much as you can to understand the divorce process and entitlements. Assuming you are based in England the following is a general guide.

Finances. A divorce is essentially about splitting your finances.
Before you can agree to anything you need to know what you are agreeing to. Which means you both need to declare and disclose all your personal and marital assets. It is important that nothing is hidden or undisclosed. This means you both know what is to be split. Assets include pensions, personal savings and investment. Debts needs to be disclosed as well.

Needs. Most UK divorces are needs based.
If there is an income or expense disparity post split it needs to be addressed in some way. Usually via the asset split but there are other options such as spousal support and mesher orders. It involves both of you doing an income and expenditure plan for your post split life. Income is net and includes benefits and deductions.

Child Arrangements
50:50 isn’t just about sharing time. It is about sharing expenses. Work out what these will be within your new budgets. Clothes, toys, electronics and hobbies can be flash points for people. You will need to agree on what you can both afford to spend and the practicalities of the arrangement. There is no way round some things having to move between houses like favourite toys, clothes and sport equipment. If you live close to each other it is easier.

Contents of family home
At this time you don’t know where you will end up. The rental might be furnished or unfurnished and you don’t want to buy / keep stuff that won’t fit with your final home. Make a list and assign value for dividing it. Not everything needs to be divide now.

Tell the children together when you are able to answer their questions. Which will be about emotional and practical security.

Tell family now if they can be trusted to not involve the children or become unhelpful.