Divorce: So Many Questions- Choosing a Solicitor / Potential Redundancy / Assets

[SDabitlost]

Hi, I am just starting out on this, currently still hypothetical as I have not made any actual moves to initiate divorce.

Both mid-50's, been together over 30 years, DC both (just) grown up, but live at home. House and assets are probably around £560K, he has a pension, me almost nothing. A 50:50 split and small(ish) mortgage of around £70K would allow us each to buy a very small place where we are.

I would really appreciate any advice or 'wish I had known this' type of tips.

• How do you go about finding a solicitor? Any particular questions to ask when having a first hour / experience to look for?

It seems DH is at risk of redundancy and he seems to think that he would never find another job... (also does not seem to want to prepare).

• If DH were unemployed / no prospect of job, would this mean he would be awarded a larger split of assets?

I do (now) work full time, but was part time while DC were younger so my salary is only just catching up after no progression for years.

• What happens after you 'have the conversation'????

• I assume finances are still joint until something has been legally agreed? Can he go and spend savings / run up overdraft?
• are previous spending / contributions to bills taken into account?
• How people live together when separating???

• What should I really be focusing on first?

Sorry for length, but I would be so grateful for any information or suggestions.

Feeling very nervous of things taking so long that I can not get a mortgage any more or that I lose my job (I know its not easy finding a role like mine at my 'more mature' age...)

Thank you.

Hi @SDabitlost
This is such an uncertain time for you. For context, I am in a similar situation to you- long marriage/ both mid fiftie's and young adult children so I understand the overwhelm. I have just applied for conditional order and feel that research and understanding the process has helped ease my worries.

My advice would be to arm yourself with as much info and understanding as possible- lots of info online/ instagram/ you tube etc.

Initially, I'd find and copy as much info as possible in respect of your financial position- approx house value/ outstanding mortgage/ savings/ pension details/ investments. Source and copy these before speaking to your H incase he makes it difficult later. I'd do this prior to speaking to a solicitor. Your position financially and subsequent conversations with your H would result in the questions you need to pursue with a solicitor (if needed).

Given your home situation, I would expect a 50:50 split of all assets INCLUDING PENSIONS should be what you are aiming for. Your H would be expected to maximise his earning potential if made unemployed. IMO he would only be awarded a larger split of assets if much older than you or unable to work due to ill health. The fact you are both a similar age with no dependants (if your kids are still dependant due to full time education this could make a difference) and close ish to retirement age should result in equal split. If you are a super high earner this could also result in him being awarded more. Your post doesn't suggest this though...Have a look at the section 25 factors which are considered in separating finances following divorce.

How do you think your H will respond when you speak to him? I'd keep the conversation factual and be firm but kind. Do you have a spare room to move into? We are still living together and although not ideal is manageable given the fact we have a spare room. In my situation the overthinking prior to the actual conversation was much worse than what actually happened when I finally faced him. Kids took it ok etc.

Divorce does not have to be expensive if everyone is amicable. You can apply online as a single applicant for £612 and once your conditional order is granted a company like amicable can formulate your consent order for less than a solicitor will cost. Solicitors do have a place for advice and in high conflict divorces.

In respect of previous spending/ contribution towards bills, non of this is taken into account in respect of financial split. It's known as the law of equal contribution and 50:50 should be the starting point. Assets accumulated prior to marriage can be ring fenced in a divorce settlement if there is no "need" from the other side. From what you have said it appears there would be need based on your lack of pension/ need for housing no matter what he had as personal assets prior to marriage.

In respect of your future I think you'll be surprised when you speak to a mortgage broker- with a good financial history and regular income you should be able to set yourself up nicely with a mortgage.

In respect of current joint finances, I suppose this depends on your H. You know him best (probably better than he knows himself), is it a possibility he would build up debt/ spend savings to get back at you? If so, look into how to remove yourself from joint accounts and split savings early on maybe? This may be something to run by someone legally.

Hope this helps and good luck with what's ahead x

Hi @MissmyoldLab

Thank you so much for your response, its very helpful.
I do really appreciate your time. I just need to get moving rather than thinking.

People react to being told their marriage is over differently. But even if they don’t value the marriage they will be scared and anxious about change. It is a huge stressor and emotions can be heightened. Many people add to this by not just announcing the split but also getting into issues of money and child arrangements.

Whilst there is no reason why a person in the 50s can’t get a job if he really is unemployable it will make a difference.

yes he can spend money now and lots of people do.

Hi, thanks for the perspective.

It's both enlightening, and really very frightening to be honest.

I can't believe that you remain responsible for someone's potentially unchecked spending after proceeding begin.

What a gamble, if the split isn't pretty much 50:50 I don't think I can afford to contemplate it...