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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Anyone else?

20 replies

FreesiaFairy · 03/10/2025 07:11

Anyone else enjoy watching the come down after someone gets married. I feel so mean saying it and bitter lol, but I can't help enjoying them realise that actually everything is pretty much the same afterwards, their life didn't turn into a fairytale and they are not the centre of attention anymore like they were in the build up to the wedding!

I think it's the smugness in the lead up to it and the assumption that as a divorced person I must find it terribly difficult watching people getting engaged/married and at the same time being incredibly smug that they're finally getting their moment in the limelight and afterwards they are basically going to feel like a princess for evermore (maybe exaggerating on that one).

The exception being when they get pregnant shortly after which then prolongs the I'm special feeling (until the brutality of having a newborn obliterates that)

OP posts:
Notsopls · 03/10/2025 07:14

Heavens OP, as someone divorced 6 years, not one tiny tiny part of me related to anything in your OP.

You sound very very bitter and unhappy.

Notsopls · 03/10/2025 07:15

i haven’t encountered smugness in the build up or people wanting to be centre of attention or anything like that.

Who on earth are all these people in your life Op? Close enough for you to attend their wedding!!

TheLadyofBower · 03/10/2025 07:32

Maybe im still smug 12 years post wedding as I dont feel that way At all!! I actually think that post wedding is the best time for the newly married couple, IF they married the right person.
I can only imagine your example being true for people who only got married for the big wedding or to be the centre of attention. Did you feel a massive deflation post your own wedding and are projecting this onto others? Did you just get married for the big day, hence the divorce?

I absolutely love being my Husbands Wife. He's a great man and I am so proud we've been together and married for so long and everything we've experienced and been through together so when I see a newly married couple I hope for what I have for them!

FancyCatSlave · 03/10/2025 07:41

Wow.
No, I don’t know anyone like that. I certainly didn’t want to be centre of attention when I got married and so had no guests. I’m sad to be divorced for myself but I wasn’t ever smug.

You should get some help with that.

BePinkOrca · 03/10/2025 07:46

I had a divorce and now happily married again, I love the fact that life returned to normal and nothing changed post wedding - that in reality is a fairytale. I love seeing people in love and happy.

FreesiaFairy · 03/10/2025 07:51

I was one of the first in my group to get married, and from a couple of key people I got a lot of resentment/made to feel bad about it because they were single at the time.

I feel like now they are realising that just because you're getting married/in a relationship doesn't mean life is all roses all the time.

OP posts:
Notsopls · 03/10/2025 07:56

FreesiaFairy · 03/10/2025 07:51

I was one of the first in my group to get married, and from a couple of key people I got a lot of resentment/made to feel bad about it because they were single at the time.

I feel like now they are realising that just because you're getting married/in a relationship doesn't mean life is all roses all the time.

Your focus needs to be on getting nicer friends op.

They don’t sound pleasant.
although your op isn’t particularly pleasant either

Notsopls · 03/10/2025 07:57

And now you’re divorced. And it would seem very bitter

FreesiaFairy · 03/10/2025 08:05

I enjoy the build up for them and am supportive /excited even if I don't feel like it, as I know what's it's like when you feel like when you don't have that!

OP posts:
FreesiaFairy · 03/10/2025 08:07

BePinkOrca · 03/10/2025 07:46

I had a divorce and now happily married again, I love the fact that life returned to normal and nothing changed post wedding - that in reality is a fairytale. I love seeing people in love and happy.

That's great, and I guess the sign of a lovely happy relationship :-)

But it definitely is a thing.

OP posts:
Notsopls · 03/10/2025 08:07

FreesiaFairy · 03/10/2025 08:05

I enjoy the build up for them and am supportive /excited even if I don't feel like it, as I know what's it's like when you feel like when you don't have that!

But meanwhile you’re gleefully awaiting its demise? Meanwhile you think they’re being smug and self centred?

There is a LOT odd about all this op

Notsopls · 03/10/2025 08:07

FreesiaFairy · 03/10/2025 08:07

That's great, and I guess the sign of a lovely happy relationship :-)

But it definitely is a thing.

Amongst unpleasant groups of “friends”, sure

FreesiaFairy · 03/10/2025 08:38

Notsopls · 03/10/2025 08:07

But meanwhile you’re gleefully awaiting its demise? Meanwhile you think they’re being smug and self centred?

There is a LOT odd about all this op

Not awaiting its demise. Just awaiting the realisation that life goes on as normal after.

OP posts:
Notsopls · 03/10/2025 08:52

Anyone else enjoy watching the come down after someone gets married. I feel so mean saying it and bitter lol, but I can't help enjoying them realise that actually everything is pretty much the same afterwards, their life didn't turn into a fairytale and they are not the centre of attention anymore like they were in the build up to the wedding!

you have to be a certain type of person…

FreesiaFairy · 03/10/2025 08:55

I'm sure it's mainly jealously (and also pretty sure that's not an uncommon emotion! Lol)

OP posts:
FreesiaFairy · 03/10/2025 08:55

Notsopls · 03/10/2025 08:52

Anyone else enjoy watching the come down after someone gets married. I feel so mean saying it and bitter lol, but I can't help enjoying them realise that actually everything is pretty much the same afterwards, their life didn't turn into a fairytale and they are not the centre of attention anymore like they were in the build up to the wedding!

you have to be a certain type of person…

Yep, not a perfect one.

OP posts:
FreesiaFairy · 03/10/2025 09:08

It's a fair point about the friends, there were a couple that definitely told me with glee about engagements like they were glad the tables had turned.

They are probably in the minority though.

OP posts:
Notsopls · 03/10/2025 09:12

FreesiaFairy · 03/10/2025 08:55

Yep, not a perfect one.

Op - it reads as quite disturbing

but 🤷‍♀️ you get your kicks where you can

I will leave you to it

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 13:50

Bloody hell. Sometimes you come across a thread and think…. Wtf

Roodlegum · 05/10/2025 14:31

Wow, your mind Op is understatement Dark.

And probably very unhappy too.

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