Second divorce

[Ashleyupnorth]

A new post for a new subject! Struggling a bit with the getting my head around hurtling towards my 2nd divorce. First marriage wasn't long and both were young and found we wanted different things.

I'm 49 and likely to be divorced by 50. I know they say life starts at 50 but... equally worried I won't be able to get a small mortgage once I have equity from the house. Then what do you do?

I'm beginning to panic and its all starting to look a bit real after our initial appointment with Amicable this week.

I am 48. Third divorce (yes I'm stupid). I have a large mortgage for 24 years. Your best bet is to speak with a whole of market mortgage brokers to put your mind at rest.

@Size40Shoes no, not stupid at all. It happens doesn't it, not ideal admittedly but nevertheless life experience thats for sure. May I ask, did you take on the mortgage when you split with your ex or did you have to take on a new mortgage?
I am probably worrying over nothing but better to be prepared I guess.

Divorced last year.
I’ve been able to get a mortgage and I’m over 60.
I’ll need to work until I’m 70 when it finishes mind you.

I am fortunate enough to earn sufficiently to take on the mortgage we already had. Good job too because we'd only just remortgaged onto a new fixed rate 😱

Mine literally completed this week, so it is very fresh.

I had to get a mortgage to buy somewhere when we separated and I was 55. Lenders were pretty happy to lend up to age 75 as the deposit was the bulk of the money. Am overpaying and should be clear by 62.
You must have done your sums? How much do you earn and what do you need to buy him out?

I'm 52. Separated at 48, decree absolute granted the day before my 50th birthday (thanks for the present ex-h!).

I'm self-employed, so lots of extra hoops to jump through. However, I did manage to buy 2 years ago using equity from our old home and have a small mortgage, though I will have this until I'm 70.

However, the mortgage amount is less than a third of what I'd be paying in rent.

I used one of those mortgage affordability calculators and also spoke to a mortgage advisor to get an idea of the size of mortgage I'd be approved for before then getting an agreement in principle.

It’s usually treated as remortgage but your bank may port the rate and terms if you want to keep the existing mortgage. I kept the existing rate which was
low and then the additional borrowing is a separate part of mortgage with different terms.

Thanks all. Yes, i used a mortgage affordability check. I could only really get a mortgage up to 110k based on low earnings. If I had a 50:50 split just from the equity I'd get 165k. He is a higher earner with a very bigger pension so hopefully a little more to help.

Its likely I'd have this mortgage should I be approved for one till I'm 70 too.

We're not in conflict but at the end of the line and people keep mentioning I should just stay put for the sake of economic stability. Not quite sure that sits so well with me.

If you are "up north" as username suggests, you'll be able to get something really quite decent for £270k (which would be about your budget after conveyancing fees etc).

@Ashleyupnorth same here! 2nd divorce which will hopefully be finalised in the next few weeks and used amicable to draw up the consent order.

Managed to get a DIP and with my share of equity from marital home should be able to comfortably buy a 2 bed or even stretch to an old 3 bed (Midlands area).

Thing that scares me the most at present is repairs when I own my next property, however constant scanning of Rightmove has a few listings in my area stating when the boiler, bathroom, kitchen has been replaced so will try to be savvy and go for something that doesn't require lots of upgrades/work doing.

Had to agree though to work til I'm 75 to get a DIP that would cover a 2 bed!

I've also been looking at the Rebel Finance School on youtube/facebook group learning about taking control of finances and investing moving forward. If I invest a lump sum into S&S account, add say £50 per month, with compound interest in 10 years there could be enough to pay the outstanding mortgage and leave my pension alone.

The hardest thing sometimes is realising life will be completely different and possibly financially challenging but would rather be poor and happy and surrounded by family and friends than have a decent income in retirement and have a sad, lonely life with just one person.

@icantwaitanotherminuteim not familiar with that course but you could also look at overpaying your mortgage with spare income. There's pros and cons to both approaches but you may find it achieves your goals with less risk

No, i was 'up North' I'm actually south now so property is quite expensive than up north. 😔

Thanks @ICantWaitAnotherMinute . Did you not use Amicable for the whole package? We had an appointment with them this week and we were quoted £5190 for the package. Are you still in the marital home at the moment? Well done on getting this far. Onwards and upwards!

Life will be completely different but there will be ways around it and nowadays we've got access to so many more services than we used to to help. You'll be fine I'm sure. I think as you've said finding something that doesnt require a lot of work to be done on it is key. For me, the smaller the better...less room to go wrong!!

@Ashleyupnorth I filed for divorce via the HMCTS website here: https://www.gov.uk/divorce/file-for-divorce?step-by-step-nav=84b7fdca-a8b0-4500-bc27-dafeab9f1401

Cost £612 and if you are the applicant, it means you are in control of the process, rather than applying jointly or waiting for solicitor/Amicable to do it. Also it would mean the 20 week cooling off period will start sooner rather than later.

I sought legal advise myself, (fell of my chair at the cost) discussed finances with ex and come up with an idea of fair split and waited for CETV statements. Once the CETV statements arrived I renegotiated (tough going but agreed).

Then spoke to Amicable when approx. 15 weeks into the cooling off period and they opened the portal for the financial documents at week 17 or 18. Then I applied for the conditional order when the 20 weeks were up (via the link in the email the court sends when you can progress to the next phase) and waited for the conditional order date, during which Amicable drafted the consent order and submitted about a week after the conditional order was read in court.

The consent order drafting service I used at Amicable cost £960. If you are both amicable and agreeable then it is far cheaper to divorce DIY-ish, there are a few groups on facebook that offering legal advise, never posted but useful for information gathering. If not so amicable then £5k is good price. I was quoted £8k plus VAT for a simple divorce via solicitors or up to £15k for a negotiated settlement. Can't afford it!

And yes, still sharing 😱

Smaller is better - although new build 2 beds are tiny yet so darn expensive!

@ICantWaitAnotherMinute thank you so much for that breakdown. The key to reducing costs is to get amicable and do the majority ourselves like you did. Unfortunately my H has been burying his head in the sand over the past few days and refuses to discuss/admit what's happening. If it continues its likely to make it worse overall in the long run.

Thanks again for your input, really helpful 😊

@Ashleyupnorth give it time, maybe step back from those conversations about what will happen in the future, it's going to happen anyway, maybe a little time/space for processing for both of you and then revisit :-) (However no guarantee H will be amicable and it will be good for you to get things in order and be rational when having those discussions later) Best wishes!

Yes, you're right. I guess I'm keen to drive this forward as the marriage hasn't been right for quite some time. There's been lots of attempts from myself to address and discuss over the years but he never has wanted to..hence where we are. I'm keen to draw a line under this now so I really don't want this to all get brushed under the carpet again.

I think first things first we need to be applying for the CETV. I only have one and it could take up to 3 months. H has 2 and one is likely to take some time too.

Who knows if its the right way of doing things!